Jack and Lorraine from the Sexual Assault Center

00:00When you hear that sound, it's probably too late. You need a guy. I want to be your guy. I'm Kevin with Corson Fire and Security, and I'm a Restaurant Territory Account Manager. Do you know who's doing your inspections at your restaurant? Please reach out to me at 615-974-2932 and I'll be glad to come out and take a quick look and look at all your fire safety inspection needs. If you're building your restaurant, we can help with that too. As far as kitchen suppression, fire extinguishers, emergency lights, we do it all. One stop, one shop. Call Kevin at 615-974-2932. Let me be your guy, Nashville. Hey, this is Jason Ellis with Nashville Super Source. We're so proud to be a sponsor for Nashville Restaurant Radio. We would love the opportunity to discuss your chemical and dish machine program with you. If you have any needs or any questions about your current program, opening a new restaurant, or just need a double set of eyes on that, we'd love the opportunity to help you with that.

01:05My number is 770-337-1143. We don't do any contracts, no minimums, weekly service to make sure that all your equipment is functioning properly. Make sure you have everything that you need. Again, my name is Jason Ellis, 770-337-1143. Welcome to Nashville Restaurant Radio, the tastiest hour of talk in Music City. Now, here's your host, Brandon Styll. Hello, Music City, and welcome to Nashville Restaurant Radio. My name is Brandon Styll, and I am your host. We are powered by Gordon Food Service, and we're going to be joined with Caroline Galzin here shortly. She is our co-host and the amazing owner over at Nicky's Coal Fired in the Nations. You need to go check them out.

02:06We're going to be talking today with Jack and Lorraine, and they are from the Sexual Assault Center. So, we cover this in the intro, but I'll tell you now that we had Joshua Buckley, and he's the CEO of the Nations Brewing, and they brew a beer called the Hope Lager. It's the Hope beer, and that beer is to benefit the Sexual Assault Center. When he was in the studio, he was talking about their restaurant, Teddy's Tavern, and they had these really cool coasters where you could test for date rape drugs, and he sent over the contact for Lorraine. I said, I'd love to hear more about that. So, this conversation today is about all the things. It's about if you're a bartender, you're a bar manager, restaurant owner, server, anybody, how to spot some of the tactics that people use out there, what to do in certain circumstances, and if you are a victim, what your options are right now. So, I just think this is an important conversation because this isn't a conversation. You know, honestly, it wasn't a conversation I had growing up.

03:07I mean, just all of these things were not things that were brought to me, and I think it's easily overlooked. I think these are things that are uncomfortable to talk about. They can be triggering, and it's tough, and so we wanted to jump in and do that, and I think this is a really, I think it's a good conversation. It's an important conversation, and I'm honored that we get to bring it to you here today. So, that being said, I do want to say we are on the lookout. I want to do a couple episodes where we shout out some unsung heroes. These are people who are dishwashers or anybody in the kitchen, even single mothers, people who you know are out there. I've been watching The Bear, and there's so many people in that show who just came out and are just passionate about what they do, and they're just kind of these heroes. And so, if you are a manager or you're an owner and you've got somebody working for you who's just struggling or just really is an amazing employee, but they need a little bit of help, I want to tell their story.

04:15I want to learn more about them and maybe even do something special for them. So, if you would send me a DM, at Brandon underscore N-R-R on Instagram, I would love to find out who this person is, maybe get him in studio and do something pretty cool for them. So, if you're sitting here listening and you're like, oh, I know a person, stop listing, hit pause right now and send me a quick DM that says, hey, Brandon, I got somebody I want you to talk to, and let's figure it out. Let's make this thing happen. I just want to do some amazingly positive things. We got some really great conversations started with Dr. Alex Jahangir. I want to thank Brad Schmidt for writing a really nice piece about the Air Jordans that we gave him at the end of the show, and it was really special. And we want to do some more stuff like that. So, if you wouldn't mind sending me some names and then I will get back to you and we'll figure out how to make that happen. That being said, we've got some, we're almost done with summer.

05:16I mean, here we are. Can you believe it? We're almost done with summer. I am going to be heading to Florida at the end of next week, and I'm going to be interviewing some restaurants in Florida. If you have anybody in the Panhandle Destin 30A area you think we should talk to, again, send me a DM. And we're doing some interviews to kind of let you know about some of the places in Florida. It's going to be a lot of fun. And yeah, I think that's the intro. I'm going to stop talking and we're going to jump in here with Jack and Lorraine. They're from the Sexual Assault Center. Enjoy this one. I'll see you after. Super excited today to welcome in Lorraine and Jack. And they are from the Sexual Assault Center. Welcome to Nashville Restaurant Radio. Thank you. Thanks for having us. Welcome. Hi, Caroline. Hi, Brandon. How are you today? I am fantastic. You seem fantastic. Yeah, you know, I'm a happy guy.

06:18What do we have the folks from the Sexual Assault Center on Nashville Restaurant Radio? Well, we had Josh Buckley, who's the CEO of The Nation's Brewing. He came in here and we had an amazing interview with him. And he has a beer and it is called the Hope Beer. And in the Hope Beer, he said, oh, well, proceeds from this beer benefit the Sexual Assault Center. And then they have this restaurant downtown and it is called Teddy's Tavern. And I think that he was telling me that they have these coasters that actually test. You can like take your drink and put on the coaster and it tests for like the main date rape drugs or whatever. And I was fascinated by that. He goes, you got to meet Lorraine over at the Sexual Assault Center. Here we are. Here we are. We have you in studio. Sure do. So let's talk about all the stuff. Yeah. So Josh and I have been working together for a while. He's fantastic. His wife is on our board. Oh, that is where and she was out of town and I needed I just I really needed some drinks.

07:22We need coke and water for an event. And so I called Josh and we started talking and told me all these things that they're working on. And so we started working together. We told them about Safe Bar, which Jack will tell you more about in a bit. And one day we were sitting around and at Fat Bottom and I said, hey, why don't you make me a beer? So Sexual Assault Awareness Month is coming up. Like make make me a beer. And he said, OK. And then that's how Hope started. And they let me design the can and write her description. And she's super cute. She's also I'm very proud to say their first woman of color. So she's Latina like me. And so she's like my avatar. That's what I say. I love that. That's so cute. And just for people who don't know, all of the Fat Bottom cans have a little avatar. It's like a traditional pinup style. And I remember him saying, like, can we do this for Sexual Assault Center?

08:23What does this look like? And he and I had this really long conversation. And obviously, one of the main things we say is it does not matter what you are wearing. It is never an excuse. It's never an invitation. Girls have the opportunity to feel cute and completely. You know, it's an old school pinup girl. There's nothing inappropriate quotes about it. But yeah, he thought it was going to be pushback. And I remember he said something to me that stood out. He said, I always tell my young boys it doesn't matter how pretty a girl looks or what. If she gets them all Twitter pated, that means nothing for you. And so we were like, this is a perfect partnership because we can really get that message across. I like that. Excuse me, I was about to ask a question. I started coughing. I'd love to hear a little more from you guys about what is the Sexual Assault Center? Who is it for? What do you guys do? Sexual Assault Center has been around in Middle Tennessee specifically. Well, we're in Metro Center now since 1978.

09:24And it started as a rape and crisis hotline. Two Vanderbilt Divinity students started it. From there, realized they were just fielding these calls and survivors needed more support. So offering therapeutic services. And then through therapeutic services, they realized these survivors also need help navigating the criminal justice system. They need help navigating other parts of their life. They maybe lost their job because they couldn't get out of bed for a couple of days. They sometimes need rental assistance. There's all these other things. So then we started doing advocacy work. Then in 2018, in partnership with the mayor's office and the DA's office and Metro Nashville Police Department, we opened a safe clinic. It was a long discussion. At the time, there was only one place in all of the Nashville, Davidson area and six surrounding counties to get a rape kit done. So we opened a non-hospital facility to get to to give rape kits to survivors, trauma informed.

10:24And from there, we also realized half, at least half of who we were seeing nationally involved alcohol, which is where the safe bar program came from. And so now we have a safe bar program and we just launched a safe tracks program for the musicians and music industry in our city. And Jack, who's here with us today, he is our trainer for both of those things. He is a statewide safe bar and safe tracks trainer. Wow. Welcome, Jack. Thank you. Very happy to be here. Well, tell us about those programs. Yeah. So they are bystander intervention, educational, primary prevention programs. That's a lot of words. But the whole point is we're trying to prevent these things from happening before they even happen. We know that education is one of the most important tools to prevention. And so we're using the safe bar and safe tracks programs to educate the community, kind of create a positive community of people that are supporting this this cause and then kind of shifting society and our cultural kind of norms as a whole.

11:28So I can also explain a little more about the program itself. So yeah, I would say what tell me about the safe bar program. So is that the one with the coasters? Yes, it is. So safe bar. It's a we have two separate programs within the one. So it is either a trainer program or just getting your bar trained. So we invite people to become a safe bar trainer. They can then train their own staff. They can train their community, basically do what I do. Or we go into these bars and train them individually and certify them up one by one. We have a whole bunch of requirements like you have to have at least 50 percent of your staff trained plus an owner or manager. And then we give them all these resources and tools that they can prevent these things from happening. We never see actual things you do in the training. Yeah. So we the biggest part is the bystander intervention. So we call them the five D's. It's kind of just like a tool belt so people can kind of just grab a tool whenever they need it to be able to step in safely and comfortably. We know every single situation is going to be different. And so we don't tell people like this is what you do. We have a whole bunch of options that let people comfortably intervene in a way that's not going to have blowback on themselves or potentially make more problems for the potential victim survivor.

12:33So let's let's let's give an example here. Let's say I'm bartending and there's a woman at my bar who came in sat down and seemed super intoxicated. Right. It's getting late in the evening. And a guy seems less intoxicated comes over starts talking to her and just seems like hey maybe this is not a great situation. What can I as a bartender do to kind of maybe offer some assistance? Yeah. So our favorite of the five D's is what I call them. They're five different words that all start with D and they're different ways to kind of intervene. Our favorite is distract. We also call it the chaos method. So we say that because you can literally do anything that you feel comfortable doing to intervene and shift the focus. So we tell people pretend you're drunk knock over a drink and spill it and cause people to have to stand up and clean it up. We always say bartenders could fake a card not going through and needing to pull someone away to get the tab re going or whatever. We always say that there are plenty of tactics like just get up start dancing singing doing whatever you can to feel to make that kind of stop.

13:40But we have all of these different tools within the five D's that people can kind of pick and choose whatever feels most comfortable for them because we know a bartender might have the comfortability and the skills to do this and this but a patron that's there might not have that same ability or sway in the bar. What if you're in a situation where you can't really tell like something just something in your gut is telling you maybe this isn't great. But you know just kind of on the surface it looks like they're having some fun. They're having a good time. You know what are what would you recommend in that kind of scenario. So we actually have a perfect example for that. So we call it delay and it looks two different ways. You can do one of two things. One is you can delay your own involvement until you have a better idea of what's happening. So if I'm a bartender and I have two patrons right here at the bar that I'm not really sure what's happening it kind of seems like it might be you know leading into harassment. I'm just going to stay right there at the bar with an ear shot and just you know pay attention maybe clean some glasses make some drinks there and just delay the involvement until I have a better idea of what's happening.

14:44That's one option. The other is to use one of those distraction techniques to separate them to delay them and then just say hey I got a weird vibe about this is everything OK. How are you feeling. Do you need anything. So yeah we all of these tools are like I said really specified for the alcohol and music industries. But the best thing is they can be used anywhere. We can use these out in public. We can use it at the grocery store. We don't have to be a bartender to be able to use these these tools. And with that we're going to take a quick break to hear a word from our sponsors. Hey guys we are supported by Sharpies Bakery and we've been supported by Sharpies Bakery for the last year. And I tell you I couldn't be more proud of this partnership. Guys they're a locally owned and operated bakery right here in Nashville for the last 36 years. Yes they deliver fresh baked bread daily to your restaurants back door. And man is it good. You want to know what kind of bread they make. Go check them out at Sharpies Bakery dot com. That's C.H.A.R.P.I.E.R.S. Bakery dot com.

15:46So they have over 200 types of bread. And if you're wondering well hey look it's a special recipe that I like to use that you know we bake it in our house. And it's just it's a kind of a pain but we like to do it. They can take your recipe and make that bread for you without any of the hassle the mess the labor. They'll just deliver it right to your door every single day. It is freshly baked. They love to give you a tour of their facility. Give Erin Mosso a call. Her number is 615-319-6453. You should do it now. We have John Ho with Parks Realty Hospitality on Instagram in studio to tell you why as a restaurant worker you can buy a home. John. Thank you Brandon. There's three things that are fallacies when it comes to buying a home from the hospitality industry. Number one is that you need perfect credit. Number two is that you need tens of thousands of dollars for down payment. And number three is that you need two years of work history in the same place. John you're a restaurant veteran been in the industry a long time. How do you as a real estate agent overcome those three myths?

16:50The first thing we do is we pick a premier partner for lending and that's Foundation Mortgage. They're going to be our first stop to get people pre-qualified in the hospitality industry. Number two, we understand that hospitality workers don't work nine to five. So our phones are on 24 hours a day. Amazing. So if I wanted to call you, how do I do it? You can get me at my cell phone, shoot me a text or give me a call. It's 615-483-0315. 615-483-0315 or Amanda Gardner at Foundation Mortgage. 865-230-1031. 865-230-1031. Follow John on Instagram at housepetality and follow Amanda on Instagram at mortgageamanda. We are so excited to welcome a new sponsor to Nashville Restaurant Radio. Volunteer Welding Gas and Supply. Volunteer Welding Beverage Carbonation began serving bulk CO2 and beverages systems in 1976. They're a service oriented company that is passionate about and dedicated to beverage only gases.

17:55How does a gas company provide service? Well, you either know or you don't know until it's too late. And they use telemetry to monitor your system. Let's say that you're in the middle of a busy lunch and then you realize, hey, there's no carbonation in our Coke. This is a problem. What do you do? You call an 800 number, you put on hold to be told that maybe sometime in the next 24 hours, somebody will get out to you. Well, that's where the telemetry works. Volunteer Welding is monitoring your tank for that. If it gets low or there's a leak, they're going to let you know beforehand. Imagine that call before lunch so you never have an 86 situation when you definitely don't need that. Want to learn more? Give David Perry a call at 615-306-7455 or email him at dperryatvolunteerwelding.com. I thought that was the distract, the spilling a drink thing. I mean, that's just brilliant. I mean, even if you're a patron sitting at a bar and you're witnessing this, and you wanted to, hey, you could spill your drink and be like, I'm so sorry, guys.

19:04And that immediately inserts you into that scenario. I'm so sorry. Hey, let me, I spilled that on you. Hey, you could easily distract and cause a scene. Because then everyone's going to grab napkins or whatever. I mean, it just completely changes the entire dynamic of that thing and you can get involved in it. It was an accident. But if you can clearly see it, because I see it, I see it all the time. I don't drink. So it's like, it's amazing how you have this radar of like, oh, wow, that person's acting weird. Yeah. And you really have the opportunity. A lot of the times perpetrators need almost a perfect scenario. And so they're very easily deterred in situations like that. So if there's too much attention on them or there's now people around, they're going to leave. They're going to split. It's just it's too much. They're going to try to perpetrators find the easiest possible targets. And this is what's most important about the safe bar is we don't guarantee that nothing's ever going to happen at your bar and that we don't guarantee.

20:08But we give tools to the bars and restaurants where on their front door, it's going to be a safe bar decal, almost like an ADT right security. So if I'm a perpetrator, I'm going to see them. I wonder what that is. We give in the in the bathrooms, there are our posters and the posters say, order this drink. If you feel uncomfortable, unsafe, you need help. So they can go to the angel shot. They can order an angel shot. Different types of things. And then that alerts the bartender like I don't feel comfortable. The crisis line number is also on the poster in the bathroom. So somebody can call a 24 hour crisis line and say, I need help. Here's what you know. Here's what's happening. I'm not sure. You know, if you're out with friends and you have two drinks and then all of a sudden one of you is fall down drunk. I mean, that's a telltale sign that you've been drugged. And then you can ask for one of the drug to test drug detection coasters, test that drink, keep it as evidence if anything does happen.

21:08And so it's just a lot of resources. But, you know, you see the drug to testing drug detection coasters on the bar. If I'm a perpetrator and I plan to drug and assault someone that night, I'm going to get the hell out of there. Because that's not the spot for me. They can prove that you did it. Yes, they can kind of prove that you did it. That, you know, that the bartenders in the restaurant are trained. They're looking for things like this and it's not tolerated. Like not here, dude. Go somewhere else. Absolutely. And the coasters. It's so hard to say drug detecting coasters. I get, I get, yeah, it's tripped up on all the time. DDCs. Why don't we just say that? DDCs. Absolutely. But yeah, they're. Thank you. You're welcome. They're really great. We're looking at one right here in the in the studio and they have the actual coaster. This is the actual coaster. So each coaster has two separate tests on it. You can see AB on one side and then AB on the other side. A specifically test for GHB and B specifically test for ketamine. And those are the two most commonly used drugs outside of alcohol for facilitating sexual assault. So these coasters can be used.

22:10You can basically test one drink twice or you can test two separate drinks with one coaster. And we give these out to all of our safe bars and we just tell them like. You give these to them for free. Everything is free. Everything. I forgot to say that earlier. Everything that we do with Safe Bar and Safe Tracks, all of our training programs are completely free. And so after a bar has been through the program and been trained and certified, we give them these stacks and we tell them you don't need to gate keep these. Put them at the front door if you want. Jackalope, who's a really great partner of ours, keeps them right at the front door just so people can grab them and take them with them as maybe they're leaving Jackalope going to a different bar. Just kind of grab them and go take them with them. That's great. That's like the greatest thing I've ever heard. I mean, the fact that that's there and I. Yeah, I mean, I imagine downtown. I mean, downtown to me. I mean, so the scenario downtown, I think sexual assault there. I think almost it's weird because there's two different kinds to me. There's the one where I'm intentionally going downtown with a drug, trying to drug somebody and assault somebody with that intention.

23:11Then I think there's also the other one of, hey, it's an innocent. I'm just getting drunk. You're getting drunk. I feel like Nashville's downtown lifestyle is based around getting drunk and hooking up. Yes. I mean, isn't that what people come to town for? There's a lot of that. Does that that sexual assault isn't that to a degree? Like, what is that? Listen, if you are drunk past where you cannot, I mean, drunk. So listen, alcohol and sex is a complicated thing. We are very well aware of that, but it's very important. That's where consent comes in. Again, we need to teach this to our young children asking, you know, Josh is a great example of teaching that to his boys. Like, you don't go hug. You don't go touch like this is you may want to, but you don't get to consent. But, you know, there is a point where you're drunk enough where you cannot consent. So drunk people cannot consent to sex if you are not within your full. And I'm not just talking about like drunk, having a good time. I'm talking about, you know, you need to help carry a person out and they can't really make sentences and they don't really know where they are.

24:14You can't have sex with that person because they can't consent to sex knowingly of sound mind. Yeah. Soundish mind. Yes. And when we think about alcohol with sexual assault within the training and the program, we are consistently distressing that we never want a victim blame. And we know that perpetrators will use anything in their power to facilitate a sexual assault. And so that might be alcohol, that may be drugs, that may be money, power, control, anything like that. They're going to use whatever they can to make that assault happen. Oftentimes it's alcohol. It's a legal substance. It's easy to get a hold of. So that's unfortunately the case there. So we're very clear about not victim blaming and kind of breaking down that in society. And then as Lorraine was saying, I think one thing we talk about, too, is like we can't consent when we're drunk. But we heard we've heard some people say like, oh, what if I like to have sex when I'm drunk or something? And what we say to that is just like if if consent is pre-established before substances are brought in and that is a conversation that's had, that's up to you.

25:14Right. That's not our business. And we never want to tell people don't drink and don't don't do X, Y, and Z. We want to make sure people know, know what these topics are and how to engage in alcohol and sex safely. Listen, people, people like an oxymoron. Yeah, yeah. How do you engage in alcohol and sex safely? Those things don't really. Not necessarily at the same time. Two people going out, having a good time, getting a little bit drunk and hooking up. That is one thing. And that happens often. And that happens with full consent. And, you know, just to kind of piggyback on what Jack said, you can you can reverse consent at any time. So sure. And that no means no, no matter when. But if you're going out to get someone drunk to have sex with them, that is different. That is a very different thing. Like we are out. We meet. We're both having a good time. We both choose to hook up. Like, OK, I'm going to go out and get somebody drunk so I can have sex with them. That's where this stops. Or I'm going to go find a drunk person. Correct. Which is maybe more of what's happening downtown.

26:15And they're choosing vulnerable people, too. They're intentionally finding the most vulnerable people. Yeah. Yeah. So a few years ago, I want to say it was 2019. It was definitely before the pandemic. I hosted a bachelorette party for a girlfriend. And we went down to Broadway on a Saturday night. And, you know, I'm 40. I will say back in my 20s, I was definitely a party girl. I was going out to bars. I was having fun. So, you know, it's not like I've never been around a scene like Broadway before. This is, you know, I don't really do it anymore. However, it was nothing new for me. But what was new for me is we were at one of the bars downtown and the boldness with which the young men felt like they could put their hands on us, approach us, put their bodies near us genuinely was shocking to me. Now, it certainly might have just been this particular group, but it was happening time and time again with different groups. And I don't know if it's a cultural thing, a generational thing.

27:18You know, these were young guys in their 20s. And it really shocked me because it does seem that with newer generations, there is a lot more conversation than when I was growing up around consent, around respect, around, you know, the Me Too movement, all of these things. But it really was quite shocking to me. It was very disturbing. We wound up getting several people actually kicked out of the bar. We had to go to security and say, hey, these guys are completely out of line. They were blackout drunk. It was also surprising to me, too, though, that security didn't intervene sooner because it wasn't anything that was being done, you know, on the down low. They were they were quite obvious. Yes. You know, coming up, grabbing and touching and you towards. Yes. It's a traumatizing. Yes. It was it was wild to me. What do you guys work with any of the security firms at the bars? So interestingly enough, we this we have great news. We have a cluster of major bars who has their head of security reached out to us after an unfortunate news story came out a couple of weeks ago about a young girl who was in a bar.

28:25She was drugged and she was assaulted. And so that story came out. I was quoted in there saying, like, we don't have a lot of lower Broadway safe bars. And we would really like and Teddy loves was featured showing what you can do. And the head of security for these bars came out and said, we need to get we don't want this to happen at our bars. Like, can we get trained? And so now we're actually working. So it's in the process of happening. Just started. So we'll announce who those are once they're all trained and done and good. We actually have an app. Well, it's it's a website that you can use as an app. It's called Safe Bar app dot org. And you can go and you can look at for all the safe bar trained people locations in the area. So as bars get trained, they'll be on this app. And we're working on a pub crawl in October to really get this out in the community. But it's not just these big Broadway bars and security is very important.

29:26But it's also any alcohol serving establishment, any small restaurant, anything like that. If you have a bar in your restaurant, get trained. Well, I can tell you right now I want to do it. Oh, yeah, I've got to. I've got two restaurants and Marable and the Green Hills Grill. Like, I want to get both of my restaurants absolutely trained and I want these in the restaurants. And I want that I want I want people to know when they come into my restaurant that we are proactively taking control of this and that is not acceptable. I mean, I want that to be something that is well known in my establishments. Do you think there's something where you guys could partner with like the Convention and Visitors Bureau or any planners to so people could plan their trips around him coming down to Nashville for a bachelorette party? Let's make sure we're only picking places that have the safety protocols. So we are in talks with the CBC and also the new Nightmare. So we have one of those now. So across the country, Nightmare, the Nightmare.

30:26Sounds very mysterious. Nightmare. Not to be. I've told them, I'm like, dude, Nightlife Mayor probably would have been better. So we don't all think that we are calling you a nightmare. But the new Nightmare, the Dark Nightmare. Please tell me he wears a suit like a Batman suit. That would just be awesome. Not I know. Like, I just I had all these thoughts in my head when I met him and he just is a normal looking guy. He very nice man. Does he talk like this? He just like I'm the Nightmare. If he comes on your show to talk about food and restaurants and safety, we'll make sure he does. We'll see. You cannot come on the show unless you talk. Well, we should get another connection. You know, just keep these connections going. I'd love to have him on the show. Yeah. I don't even know who he is. What's his name? His name is Benton. I always butcher his last name. Oh, Benton. I hope you're not listening. It's okay. McDowell. McDowell. McDowell. McDowell. No. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. You're changing it. You're changing it. Benton McDonough.

31:26Yeah. Okay. Ish. But he's so great. It's something in the ballpark of that. It's something in the ballpark. And I've met with Dina Walker, so she's taking over for Butch Spiridon. Dina. Ivy? Ivy, yes. Sorry. Oh my gosh. You're good? It's okay. Everyone, earmuffs. Nobody listen to these. Dina's amazing. Yes. We love Dina. Dina is great. So yes, we are working with both of them on how to do, how to promote this. We're working with both of them on how to do, how to promote this. We're working with both of them on how to promote this. We're working with both of them on how to promote this. We're working with both of them on how to promote this. We're working with both of them on how to promote this. We're working with both of them on how to promote this. We're working with both of them on how to promote this. We're working with both of them on how to promote this. We're working with both of them on how to promote this. We're working with both of them on how to promote this. We're working with both of them on how to promote this. We're working with both of them on how to promote this. We're working with both of them on how to promote this. We're working with both of them on how to promote this. All bets are off. We do interviews typically on Tuesdays, and it's Friday, which is the end of the week. Everybody's Friday on Friday, so it's okay. Well, I'm definitely going to blame you then. This will come out on a Monday, so people won't understand. So anyway, we have a lot of great partnerships that we're building, and as I mentioned, the pub crawl is, in the last couple years of this has been reaching out to bars and saying, get trained, get trained, get trained.

32:30But now we're trying to reach out to the community and say, look for this. Go to this. So we are, we're trying, I'm trying to work with some people who own Airbnbs too. Oh yeah. You know, you have those recommendations, have some coasters, have a QR code to the app. That's a great idea. And say, like if I'm, if I'm Bachelorette Party and I'm going to go, so we're just really working with some partnerships to get this out there, where now the community can start saying, why aren't you Safe Bar trained? Like, or you should do this, like go to your favorite bar and be like, hey man, you should get trained in this, and I'm going to feel better about coming here. Well, I'm saying it right now to everybody who's listening right now. You need to go get Safe Bar trained. And how do they do that? So what's the first step? If I, I'm, I'm asking you because I want to do this. Yeah. Obviously I can just email you and get the whole thing set up. Yes. You know somebody. If I'm not sitting in a room with you about to set this up and I want to take the first step, what is the first step? So there are two options. One, you can just email me directly at johmes at essaycenter.org or you can go to the essaycenter.org website and we have a page on Safe Bar and there's a request of training button right there and that will come straight to me and then I schedule that with you directly.

33:40And we'll make sure all of this is in the show description as well for anyone listening. You can find that info right there in the show notes. Let's talk about the actual training itself. How is it a one day event? Is it a six day event? How long does it take? Like what is the commitment that we need? Yeah. Let's just hypothetically say, okay, I'm going to set up both my restaurant, but I want to do both restaurants at one time. Can I do that? Absolutely. So we've done trainings before where we invite multiple bars in together. We did a training in the Five Points area in East Nashville and we had a whole bunch of bars all come to Lakeside and kind of get trained at once. So I could go in Brentwood and I could get a bunch of restaurants in my area and I can say, hey guys, come to my restaurant. I've got a big, huge private dining room and we could set up multiple restaurants at one time. Exactly. That's exactly it. So what we do, I mentioned two separate training programs within Safe Bar earlier. The one where you become your own trainer, that one's about four hours long. We usually do two hours across two days. So two on the first day, two on the second day. And we do that, it's a longer, more in depth training just so that the trainers feel comfortable and confident speaking about these things and so that they can go and train their own bars with their community.

34:45And then the actual Safe Bar direct training where myself or my colleagues are going into train a bar directly, only an hour and a half. So it takes an hour and a half to get certified? Yes, exactly. Or two hours to become a certified trainer? And then you can certify your own establishment or establishments in your community, yes. So that might even make sense for me to go do that and then host a bunch of people, like maybe do it monthly. If you want to do it, everybody this day, I can start promoting that and we can start doing monthly certifications. Absolutely. Yeah, and we do a about monthly train the trainer program. That's just virtual Zoom open to the public. Next one's going to be June 21st and 22nd, I believe. But we do that about monthly and then we can also schedule individual train the trainers with anyone that's interested. Oh, that's pretty cool. I'll do it with you, Brandon. Let's go do it. And then anybody who's in our Nashville restaurant radio community that wants training can also, you know, use us as a resource. Yeah, 100%. I mean, this stuff is so valuable because when I was growing up, this wasn't stuff that was taught.

35:47I mean, we were my general as a young man, I was taught the wrong thing growing up someone pregnant. That's like that. That's yeah. Don't get somebody pregnant. But it was, you know, but not dating was like a challenge. Every time I listen to a country song where he's like, you know, I'm trying to get the girl. I'm like, it's not like it should be something organic that happens. It's not get the girl. There's a song that I listened to the day. It's called like Try Losing One. It was like, it's hard getting her number. It's hard getting that first kiss. I'm like, this is not like a thing that this isn't like a it should be natural and happy and but it's like it shouldn't be like a hard like I'm trying to get this girl. And it's like, I don't I don't know. I don't know. This is not the right way to go about this. But it's part of the culture is that men are hunters and we're out to go. I know I was like both of us are like gagging, but I mean, that's what culture is telling us. These guys and that's what I was taught growing up. I mean, I I think for a lot of us, too, who are in our age group that grew up in the South in particular, that grew up with all of the purity culture around some of the churches that that certainly that I grew up in was that, you know, all of the responsibility is on the woman.

37:03You know, if something happens, it's your fault. If, you know, you're not allowed to enjoy sex, it's something that is saved only for marriage and only for your husband. So if you have sex outside of that, then it's bad and it's shameful. And that makes people afraid. Or even if you're assaulted. So we're given a handbook, a virtual like I'm putting air quotes on handbook, but we're taught how not to be assaulted. You know, don't go here. Don't wear this. Don't do this. Don't don't. And if something does happen and says, well, where were you? And did you break? Are you wearing that? Are you breaking the rule wearing that skirt? You know, you invited that. So then you can't report it because you did something. And no one's going to believe you and you did something wrong. And there's all this shame that you feel. It's just such a toxic. And we can we can have like 19 podcasts on that alone. But that is the culture. And yeah, if it's hard to get a phone number. So I listen, I'm the person who I told Jack the other day, I thought I saw a dude drugging a drink and my tactic was to go knock it out of his hand, like actually just not even no distract, no, no, like just a whack.

38:12But, you know, not everyone's like that. But same thing. But if if someone asks for a number like 19 times, like by the fourth time, I'm going to say no. But a lot of women, because you're taught to be polite and not to be rude and not to hurt feelings. And then if you get them real mad, then they might do something. So it's hard to get a number because you had to ask 10 times to get it. You've just worn them down, right? You know, if you hear no, you know, the first time it's like, OK, well, you know, the second time and then just just just go find somebody else who wants to talk to you. And just because you buy a girl a drink doesn't mean she owes you time. I don't even let people buy drinks. I stopped doing that a long time ago because they'd be like, well, I I earned a certain number. I spent money. I spent money. Now you owe me 10 minutes or 15 minutes of your time. Yeah. It's like I purchased this time from you by my while you drink that drink. You have to give me your attention. It's like, yeah, I mean, that's it's a weird because that that's you go downtown and that's kind of. They promote that culture.

39:13Yeah, that's what it is. Bachelorette parties, women buy us drinks. We want free and it's like, well, what? I mean, I don't know. It's it's toxic as fuck is what it is. And I mean, it's not it's not OK. One last break to your word from our sponsors. What chefs want story is incredibly unique. The owner, Ron Trenier, met with a bunch of chefs in Louisville back in the early 2000s and asked them one simple question. What do you want in the chefs? They responded emphatically. We want deliveries on Sunday. We want to be able to split any item that you sell. We want a frictionless experience where we feel like we're being served. And so, you know what he did? Something crazy. He did just that. So what chefs want is not only a company that's delivering fresh produce, fresh seafood, fresh custom cut meats, specialty items, dairy, gourmet, all of that seven days a week.

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41:17Visit Robbins website at RobbinsINS.com to request a consultation or call Matthew Clements directly. His number is 863-409-9372. Protection you can trust. That's Robbins. Excuse me, I have a question about somebody who wants to come to the Sexual Assault Center as a resource. What if somebody has, you know, had an experience, had an assault, but they don't want to report the person, they don't want to get legal involved. They want some resources, but they they cannot fathom going through that process. Can they still come to you? Absolutely. So there's two major things that you can do to support a victim of sexual assault, and that is to believe them and to give them autonomy over what the healing process looks like. So if you come into our the safe clinic and if you've been raped, so you have 120 hours. So there's a few things, and this is not necessarily restaurant, but since we're talking about sexual assault, I cannot not say these things because one in six women and one in 33 men will either be the victim of attempted or completed rape.

42:28OK, so we're talking about that's a lot of people. One in six women will stand with that. But you if you are raped, you have 120 hours to get a rape kit done to collect the evidence, and you cannot go to any hospital to do that. So in six surrounding counties in Davidson, there's really only three places you can go and get this done. Most people think you can go to any hospital, but that's not true. You have to where are those three places? So that is Vanderbilt, that is Nashville General, and that is the Sexual Assault Center. There are a few other hospitals that have people on call. It can take a long time. It's not 24 7. It's not trauma informed. You don't have a victim advocate. They just collect the evidence and it's done. And so we like to focus on the three. So you have a short amount of time. You do not have to involve law enforcement. You can get a rape kit done and get it done anonymously. And then you have years to decide when you are ready to press charges. So but you have to get the evidence collected.

43:28So please do that. And then if that window is passed, Sexual Assault Center, and that is free. Everything we do is free. We don't charge for things because we want to be a resource for the community. So we eventually can stop this problem. And doesn't matter when you could have been the victim of. You can hear this right now and have been the victim of childhood sexual abuse and say, I need therapy like this has been weighing on me. You can come to Sexual Assault Center regardless of your ability to pay. We provide therapy and advocacy services. So we have a 24 hour crisis line crisis and support. It could be I know someone that this happened to. I'm not sure what to do if I know about something or, man, I just listened to this podcast. I'm just a restaurant owner. I was just wanting to get some information and I feel really triggered by this conversation call. And you can just talk to someone for, you know, as long as you need to. And they will point you to the direction of resources that you need. That's so incredible. And I'm so grateful that you guys are here having this conversation with us today, because I think that there are so many people that can benefit that don't realize that this is here, local for your for whatever you need.

44:36Absolutely. I think this is a really important conversation. Absolutely. I'm glad that we're able to to this. This makes me really proud that we get to do stuff like this on this show to talk to people and people may be listening to this going, I didn't know that that was even an option for me. And, you know, we're lucky because in Nashville, we're a major medical hub. And we've got Ascension, we've got HCA, we've got Vanderbilt. And then the Nashville General is a great hospital. But like you're like, we only have three places. Like, imagine if you lived in, you know, Huntsville. They have a huge hospital system there, too. But like if you lived in a different city that doesn't have this, like, what are your options? Somewhere rural or somewhere rural? I mean, at least here you do have those three. And it doesn't sound like there's a lot. Do you guys serve communities outside of Nashville? Let's say I'm in Hickman County or, you know, John, you know, Johnson City, somewhere else that doesn't have resources. I was covering the clinic one night and had somebody coming in from the Knoxville area to the clinic because it was a non-hospital facility.

45:42You're the only one there. It's very victim focused. You can come in from us. So we were statewide. So if you call the crisis line and you're out in a very rural area and you don't know where to go, they will find the closest place for you to go. They will tell you. We also help with transportation, getting people in to the safe clinic. So if someone needs to come in from somewhere further, we have resources to help you get there and get what you need. If you're not safe to go home that night because you were assaulted by your partner, we there's a hotel that we will put you in. So we will make sure that you get where you need to go. And we have resources to help with emergency needs as well. How are you funded? Well, the other part of my job is development. So I am a community engagement and community relations and a professional beggar. So we get so we get grant funding is about, you know, about 40 percent is all from community, community resources, community grants, community donors.

46:44And then the other one is we are government funded. We're state and government funded to through the Victims of Crime Act to serve victims of crime. And that's why we're able to do everything we do for free. That's amazing. I want to ask a question that I think I know the answer to, but I just want I think it's important to say on air that safe to assume that you guys don't just serve women, you serve men, you serve members of the LGBTQ community, you, yes, anyone who needs help, anyone, regardless of background and identity, we are supportive of, you know, LGBT identities and everything. We don't push away anyone. We want to welcome anyone in that needs our services. And not only do we not push them away, we have groups, we have outreach groups that reach out to those communities and let them know that they are welcomed. And we have culturally competent therapists, trainers and advocates who can are bilingual, who identify within these communities. And so there are people, there are communities that are disproportionately underserved, yet this affects them and they don't report.

47:45And so we have outreach. So right now we have outreach groups for the LGBTQI plus communities, the Hispanic and Latinx community and the black and African American community. And then we are now branching out into the disability community because they are highly, highly affected by this, by this problem. Yeah. Unfortunately, anyone in society that is marginalized or discriminated against is, is affected by this issue at a disproportionate rate. Very, very large number, unfortunately. So you guys are doing God's work. Thank you. I mean, what made you want to do this? I mean, let's go to your, I mean, I think it's important to talk about this stuff, but like, let's talk about you for a second. Like, what was your issue? Why did, why is this the field you want to be in? Oh man. Okay. So for me personally, uh, man, we're getting into some childhood stuff. So it's okay. No, not so. And please don't let us ask something that you guys don't want to talk about. Absolutely. So growing up in poverty and just experiencing life from a very experiencing homelessness, experiencing like just what life looks like having very close family members go through this issue.

48:55I think I always kind of was wanting to do. Well, I said, I say that I really, I went into psychology. I got that degree and then I was like, well, I graduated with an undergrad and I was like, I don't want to go to more school this. So I went into corporate sales and I was asking people to give me money. And then at one point I just realized about 14 years ago, I was like, I can ask people to give me money still. Cause I'm very comfortable with that, but for a good cause. So I started in nonprofit work and the more I started seeing the different violence against women specifically, or gender based violence is what started to peak my interest as a female and having my own personal experiences of frustration and disgust of how the world works and purity culture and how it affected and so many people we know have been assaulted and we've experienced so much sexual harassment ourselves. It's kind of like, what can I do for this? So seven years ago, I specifically went into sexual violence work and it is hard. There are days where I'm like, I feel like I could not possibly hear a worse story than I heard today.

50:00And then tomorrow it's like, hold my beer. I'm going to, I'm going to, you're going to just hear something worse. And it's hard when we see a child come in to the center because we know why that child is there. And they're so young and they're so sweet. And you're just like, who the hell does this? But they're there and they're getting help. Like we are providing healing. Trauma does not have to define you. There is, there can be light on the other tunnel and the journey is hard and arduous and it really depends. But the sooner you get help, the less long-term trauma symptoms you have. And so children getting help for sexual abuse and assault, we are providing hope and healing and changing the trajectory of their life. That's what helps me. So my, my story, I went to that's amazing. I'm going to interrupt you, but I just want to say thank you for what you're doing and it's, it's really amazing. And it takes a special person to want to devote their time and energy.

51:01We just had March Masula in here. Who's running for city council at large. And I told her, I said, so many people say they do these things and they do these things and it's not a, what can I do to fix a problem? People want to find blame and they want to be angry about what other people are doing, but you uniquely answered that call and are doing something to make change in this world. And I just want to say thank you. Cause that's, it's amazing what you're doing. And it means a lot to a lot of people. So my story, um, I went to Belmont university here in Nashville. Um, and I came in, as I mentioned earlier, I also do music. I came in for songwriting music business and very quickly realized that sexual assault, sexual violence is a very large problem that is not talked about, not taken seriously, not, uh, if there were resources, they weren't shared with a lot of us, right? So throughout my time at Belmont, um, I have always been very interested in social justice. I'm a member of the LGBT community myself.

52:01So I've always been very, um, vocal about advocating for those kinds of things. And through my time at Belmont, I ended up doing a Maymester in London and Dublin, and the Maymester was, um, surrounded around public health and social welfare. And then that is the, that's the trip that made me add social justice as a minor. So I was already double majoring in songwriting and music business and added social justice as my minor. And so then senior year, I graduated in, into COVID. Uh, my last semester was the first, uh, semester of COVID, which was not good. Um, but I had an internship with a great group called, uh, country duo called Haley and Michael's. Um, and originally it was, you know, social media, marketing, all that kind of stuff. And as COVID hit internships shifted drastically, and we knew that the issue of sexual assault was so prevalent and we had been in talks with SAC already. And, um, we ended up co-founding safe tracks together, the program we were talking about earlier. Um, we basically derived it off of safe bar and created the program for the music industry, knowing that there weren't resources that were specialized for the music industry.

53:09What are some of the specifics around safe tracks? Cause we didn't cover that. Yeah, so it's very, very similar. A lot of the same tools and a lot of the same knowledge, but we talk about the specific dynamics within the industry. We know that, you know, if we talk about music specifically, it's not a nine to five, you might be on the, on the road, on tour, you might be out until 3 a.m. People may take advantage of these professional relationships. Um, there's such a high potential for bystander intervention because I mean, right now we're doing a media thing and there's four of us in this room right now, right? Most music industry and entertainment industry collaborations, events, meetings will include more than two people. So that's a high potential for bystander intervention. You, uh, one of the most interesting things about the music industry is that power dynamics shift from room to room. So when in a normal, you know, job, a normal, um, industry, whatever, you have a very clear ranking, like your position or title, but in the music industry, that shifts from every room you walk into based on if you're in the room with an A and R executive, if you're in the room with a producer, a different songwriter that's not as successful as you, anything like that. So safe bars or sorry, safe tracks is very similar to safe bar, but it's specialized for resources and information for the music and entertainment industries.

54:13And we were, we were endorsed and supported by CMA, which was great. And then Toronto Burke from the me too movement and the Lindsay L country singer also came out and support. I love Lindsay L by the way. She is awesome. We love her at SAC. She's wonderful. Yeah. I would love, I would love to get her on the show. I just, she's, she's an advocate. She's just great. And she covered John Mayer's continuum album, the whole album, which was like one of my favorite albums of all time. And she, and she crushed it. She's amazing. I've worked with several celebrities in this and she's by far the best, my favorite, just the coolest, amazing. And uses her platform for a lot of positive and a lot of just great, great stuff, really get her in here to make that happen. Can you help me do that? Oh, I'd love that. So that is an amazing story, man. Thank you for what you're doing. I mean, I just, uh, I think this is such an important topic and I definitely want to get involved and I think that we should definitely do the training together.

55:18And I think that we should introduce people that when people come in, I want to get some more of these. When people come in here to the studio, we give like little gift baskets to restaurant owners and people that come in. We definitely want to put some of this material in there so they can understand what that is because I don't know why it isn't a right, like the alcohol beverage commission regulates so many things. Like, I don't know why this isn't part of having your liquor licenses that you have to do this. Like those are conversations that are happening. We are trying to, we're trying with some different angles there too. Well, good stuff. Um, thank you guys so much for coming in today. I mean, this was an absolute honor for us and for having us. So great to chat with you guys. Thank you so much for sharing all of this information with us and with the listeners, like Brandon said, I think it's really important conversation and I'm so grateful we had the opportunity to do it. Well, thank you for the opportunity to share. We hopefully so many more people now know about resources and also how to get their restaurant trained for free, for free, for free, for free.

56:24This is amazing. So S a center.com org. S a center.org. And then safe bar T N dot org is how you're going to find the safe bar. But if you go to the SA center.org, you can find the safe bar. You can click a link and you're going to get in here and Jack's going to, um, he's going to get ahold of you. Now, Jack, you're in a band. Yes, I am. Let's just plug your band. Who are you? How can we, how can we welcome see you play? I see you at the wristband on. If you like rock music, pop punk music, I make music. My artist's name is Jack the underdog. Um, anything from warp tour to anything alternative. So, yeah, love that. That sounds up your alley, Brandon. I alt nation on, on XM is like my favorite channel. So that's good stuff. Yeah. All right, Jack, the underdog. And Lorraine from the sexual assault center. Thank you guys so much. I need a cooler nickname. Come on. He's Jack the underdog and I'm Lorraine from the sexual assault center. I don't know.

57:26Jack the underdog and Lorraine, the ripper. Yes. Yes. Jack, I don't know. I don't, sorry. I wasn't trying to derail the goodbye, but I was just like, well, you know, I'm with you. We can't let you go out on such a lame note. I'm glad that you derailed it because I almost forgot our last segment. Oh, that's true. We do have a final thing that we do here and I forgot to do it. You're welcome. So Gordon food service is our fine title sponsor for the show. And we do a final thought to leave, like just a final thought, whatever you guys want to say to take us out, it is the Gordon food service, final thought. And one day I'll put all of the final thoughts into a book and it'll be a really neat thing so that I'm adding more pressure to you right now. I have one, whatever you want to say, as long as you want to say it. The mic is yours. Go and then Jack, the Jack, the underdog will get to say something. Lorraine, the ripper, Lorraine, the ripper says, Hey men, do better. Love that. Do better. Heard we'll do that.

58:30Thanks guys. Um, I think mine is just that it's, this can seem like a really large issue, but some very, very small actions and changes in behavior can have a very, very monumentally significantly large impact on, on what we're trying to do here. So the smallest things can really help. I love it. Thank you guys much for spending time with us today. And, um, I wish you have a wonderful weekend this Monday when this is coming out, so I hope you have a wonderful rest of your week this week. It's Monday and, uh, we'll talk to you guys soon. Big thank you to Jack and Lorraine from the sexual assault center for joining us here, uh, to have a very important conversation. I, um, it's not always easy to have these talks, but I think it's important to let everybody know what's going on out there and what you can do as a worker, as a patron, as well as a victim. So these are all things, uh, hopefully you are able to learn something here. If you want to get certified, please reach out to them.

59:32And, uh, we'd love to know if you do go ahead and get certified. I'd love to talk about your certification, just to let people know that your restaurant is a safe restaurant. So again, like the beginning of the show, send me a DM at Brandon underscore in our, our, if you've already done this, if you are a safe restaurant, I'd love to shout you out and let everybody know that you're a safe place to go, because this is very, very, very important. All right. Well, thank you guys again for listening. We are going to be back next week with a really cool episode with Rob Floyd. He is a celebrity bartender. He works with like Cardi B and he's on bar rescue and a lot of fun. And that interview will come out next week. It's going to be a solo interview as Caroline's out of town. Summertime, she's got a lot going on and we're going to be back with Caroline hopefully the following week with a few more episodes coming at you. And then we're going to make the push into the fall and winter. And I know we're all ready for some cooler weather.

01:00:33Yes. All right. Thank you guys for listening and we will hope that you are being safe out there. Love you guys. Bye.