Jason Laiacona

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01:06Welcome to Nashville Restaurant Radio, the tastiest hour of talk in Music City. Now here's your host, Brandon Styll. Hello Music City, and welcome to Nashville Restaurant Radio. My name is Brandon Styll, and I am your host. We are powered by Gordon Food Service, and today we are speaking with Jason Lyacona. He is the executive chef at Miele over off Charlotte. You may have heard our episode with Seema, who owns Miele not long ago, and this is an interesting episode. It's a little bit of a departure from what you've been hearing from Nashville Restaurant Radio over the past few weeks. This episode we are talking about mental health. I want to go ahead and say off the bat that I am not a mental health therapist. I have no degrees in this. Please take anything that we say.

02:08What this conversation is to people who both have their things that they've been dealing with, and we talk about it. Two people who deal with their own stuff. We both see therapists. I've gone the AA route. I've done a lot of work. I read a lot of books, but I am in no way like an expert on this. So please do not take anything that there's there's my disclaimer, but this is a very vulnerable episode. This is also another lost episode. I got this episode. We recorded this like a month and a half ago, and I got a new board in the studio, and I accidentally when I put the the disk in, I accidentally deleted it. So it was gone, and then I realized oh I videoed this, but when I videoed it, my mic didn't pick up. So I've got a video of this, but my mic sounds like I'm in a different room. So I had to go through and edit this thing. It took me three hours, and you'll learn through this episode how hard that is for me, and why I have put this off so long, because my ADHD does not allow me to do things like this. And that's a big topic of conversation today in the podcast is ADHD bipolar disorder, which is something that I don't necessarily have. The ADHD, yes, and how that shows up every day, and why the industry draws people like me. And then we talk about all the different, this is an hour and 15 minute conversation, and we kind of go through all this stuff. You've probably heard a lot of the different stories I've said in bits and pieces over the last 30 or 40 episodes, but we're gonna put it all into one here, and grace. You know, that's the one thing I think that empathy and grace that we have for so many people in this industry, why we love it, and why I love Giving Kitchen, how Giving Kitchen helps people trying to figure all this stuff out. So with that being said, this episode's going to

04:09be coming at you in just a moment, but I do want to say one week from tomorrow, today is Monday, tomorrow is Tuesday, April the 14th, we are having our NARA Connect Spring Social. It's going to be a shotgun, well, he's from four to seven. You need to go to www.nara.nashville.com and click on the tab. There's a little, there's a menu bar. Find the one that says NARA Connect. There's a link in there. It is free. The only stipulation, the only thing that you have to be to come is you have to work in a restaurant, leadership in a restaurant, own a restaurant. This is for restaurant owners and restaurant people to come hang. We will have four different vendors there that will be at their tables. They're not going to be out selling to you. This is, I always, and I offend vendors when I say this, that there's no vultures at this event. This is just for restaurant owners to come hang. If you want to go talk to a vendor, go talk to a vendor. We are going to have a really cool marketing company there. They're called Pliny Crane and they are going to be doing photos of you on the bowl. So you can say you rode the bowl and have professional photos taken for you. It's going to be a lot of fun. It is presented by Cisco. They'll be there with a table and we are giving away some more dunks. If you go to our Instagram page, you'll see my most recent episode of my dunk giveaway. We gave away some daddy's dunks to Sean Porter and I will be giving away a pair of dunks live to a restaurant owner who I met at our last Nara Connect and she just finished her RFP and I'm really excited for her. She did really, really well and we're going to give Jessica Hazard from NYPi a brand new pair of dunks at the event. So lots of fun things. If you want to win a pair, come we will have a raffle. Shotgun Willie's will be making some small bites.

06:12Some Surecisco will bring some food. We'll have Wild THC there. Harding House Brews, Pliny Crane, CNB Linen. We'll have some great little vendors there. Come meet them. Come meet the other restaurant owners that you love. It's going to be a great time and then a week after that on Monday, two weeks from today on April the 20th, 420, I will be speaking at the American Culinary Federation meeting. It's going to be at Nashville State. Go to nashvillechefs.org and check out the meeting details April 20th. Love to have you at the Middle Tennessee ACF Chapter meeting. Lots of good stuff. I will see you on April the 25th if you're going to be at the Music City Food and Wine Festival and then on April 28th we are going to be doing the Giving Kitchen Putting Classic. So if you're a vendor out there and you want to get involved, if you're a restaurant and you want to get involved, we're not asking anything of restaurants. Just show up and have a good time.

07:16We're going to have raffles, 160 foot putt challenge. Lots and lots of really cool things and then on September the 1st, we're projecting until the end of summer here, September the 1st, we're going to have our Nara Connect Independent Restaurant Show. It's going to be held at Fat Bottom Brewery. So it's a beautiful space. We're going to have tons of vendors, tons of food, tons of drink and it is going to be a restaurant party. We don't even have that set up yet for you to register. I just want you to go save the date. September the 1st. It's a Tuesday. It'll be from four to seven. We want to have you at Fat Bottom. Hopefully it's a beautiful day. We're going to have a great time. All right, well with all that being said, we've got this episode with Jason Lyacona and you're listening to Nashville Restaurant Radio. Very academic, you know, and my father's an engineer so there's a lot of like things got to be a certain way and where's my place, you know, and I come from a family that's very academic, you know, and my father's an engineer so there's a lot of like things got to be a certain way and, you know, we came, we had to come in Jesus at some point I think in high school where it was like, you know, I know you're not, you're not an A student and that's fine. That's fine. Like it takes the pressure off.

08:59It did take the pressure. I do. I have an older brother. Do you have the youngest? Yeah, yeah. Other brother Golden Child? No, not necessarily. No, I don't think there was really much favoritism in either direction. My brother's definitely more like my father and I'm more like, I'm a mama's boy. Yeah. Interesting. It just, I have two boys that are similar, but just in a way. What's their age difference? They're 20 months. Okay. Pretty close. Yeah. Two years. Yeah. Almost. They get along. Yeah. I mean, they fight like crazy, but I mean, what 10 and 12 year old boys don't fight like crazy. They're trying to find their place and they're trying to establish all of their little things and it's not vitriol. It's sibling stuff. Yeah. But they're, they, they do things together. They're friendly. Oh yeah. Yeah. All the time. See, that's good. Yeah. Yeah. They give each other a hug. Good night. Every night. All that. They're, they're, they're like best friends, but that's friends that bicker. That's crazy. I mean, I, I don't, I don't know if it was like, you know, the eighties and nineties or growing up in New Hampshire, where things were a little bit more, um, rough, but I mean, every buddy I knew that were siblings fought ferociously. Ferociously. I mean, physically and, and otherwise. And so it was just kind of like, oh, it's just how, you know, the dynamic of having a brother is. And then I would meet people who, you know, moving away from New Hampshire and then, you know, into the later years of high school, it's like people who got along with their siblings.

10:48I'm like, what is this? That seems odd, you know? Well, I've done a lot of work on this. Oh yeah. I currently have a therapist and I have all of the things. And you know, I have an older brother. I was gonna ask. I'm a middle child. Oh, okay. Younger sister, older brother. And older brother was kind of a golden child. Grandparents loved him. He was the guy. And I was kind of the one that was not, I was, I was very similar to UC student hated school. My ADHD played a big role in that, but I never understood that all the noise that was going on in me every day. And that led to a lot of, I'm not good enough. I was never able to be this other person. It took me a long time to figure out that's okay. Yeah. I just need to be the best meeting. I'm still trying to figure out honestly. Yeah. I mean, and so when I ask these questions, it's not because I'm trying to like diagnose it because I'm finding a pattern. The more people that I talk to, I think there's a lot of questions out there. So why, why does this industry attract so much? I don't want to, I don't know how to phrase this. There's a lot of dysregulation.

12:04That's a good word. I was going to say dysfunction, but that's, that's outside of, if we were in a different environment, but just regulation, that's great. Dysregulation as well as people wanting to prove their worth, not understanding how to deal with complex emotions. And so they tend to move to substance, but they're also drawn to this industry because of the chaos. And I think a lot of people do recognize that when you're younger self, when you grow up in chaos, that feels normal to you. Whereas people get in a relationship with somebody who had a bunch of chaos in their early life and they didn't, they go, why is there all this drama? Like, what is your problem? Like sometimes it's not a matter of, I don't like you or I need chaos in order to feel safe. That's what makes me feel safe. That's the comfort zone. A lot of people who have ADHD, who've grown up their whole life, been told that there's something that they're not, they don't know why they feel this way gravitate towards this business. Because if you're a server, your brother's constant chaos, it's constantly doing that. If you're cooking dishes all night long, you're doing these little tasks of different things in your mouth and it's all lights up your system.

13:25And at the end of the night, you come down and it's like, how do you turn that off? Yeah. And through my research from just books, I've read and learning about ADHD, there's two main things that people do to self-medicate with ADHD. The number one thing, the number one most effective way to self-medicate ADHD is cocaine. Because cocaine hits our systems differently than most people. It calms us. It calms the voices and all the shit that goes on inside of us and alcohol. Alcohol is so readily available and that will numb those feelings and those voices and like how, what's wrong with me because I needed that. And you come down so hard and you need the, um, what's the word? I'm like, what's the neurotransmitter? Dopamine. Is it dopamine? It's yeah. Dopamine is one of those. You need that dopamine and alcohol gives it to you. And so you can recreate that feeling that you felt in the middle of the rush at seven o'clock when your hair's on fire. And that is the happiest feeling you'll feel all day long. Because you're important, you're needed, you're executing. But when that's over and you don't feel needed and important executing, how do you get that dopamine rush? Alcohol and cocaine are the things that replace it the most. And so I have this theory that people who find their home in restaurants are typically ADHD because it's a natural magnet. And then when you think about substance abuse and dysregulation and all of the different things, it's a natural thing because after work you had, and this is kind of back when I first started, you had a bunch of cash. You had cash in a bunch of people and it was 11 o'clock at night. What are you going to go do?

15:11We're going to set the city on fire. You're going to go spend it. You're going to do all the stuff. And that was a pattern that happened and still happens for a lot of people. And people wonder, why is this going on? It's like, Oh, I think I've kind of see a pattern here of who we're attracting. Yeah. Well, to your point, I've definitely done my own infield research with uh, self-medicating with both of those things. Um, I never had a, a cocaine habit, but the few times that I had done it, I knew right away, I told myself, do not, do not get a dealer. Don't learn how much this is. Don't learn what the quantity is. Don't know anything about this because you will fucking fall in love and be addicted to this because it was so calming. It set me, I felt comfortable for the first time in my own skin. Like I've always been a heavy drinker and um, that masked everything that just was like, okay, now I don't feel it, but it's still there. Whereas anytime I had done coke, I was like, Oh my God, I want to, I want to go read a book and absorb it and understand it. And I feel like I can this feeling of like, and this is what dopamine really is that people get wrong is it's not the high and the pleasure. It's more the, the feeling you get being motivated and the satisfaction you get from an accomplishment and, and before accomplishing it where it's like, this is going to be great. And I would get this feeling of like, I can do this.

17:08And I think anybody who does coke has a feeling of like, I can do anything. And that's why, you know, there's those, uh, you know, uh, stereotypes of people starting businesses and, you know, all this and getting cornered in a party. But my whole thing was I could sit in silence in a party and just listen to people and take things in. And it was a very different experience for me. And I was very apprehensive to ever say that to a doctor, a psychiatrist, because I always felt like I'd be drug seeking. And when I finally built up a rapport with my current therapist, I, I shared that with her and she was like, that makes total sense. She's like, there's a lot of people, um, you know, nobody's, you know, no two people are alike, but people with similar diagnosis have a very similar experience with that. And that's okay. That's, I'm not telling you to go out and do it, but what you experienced is pretty normal because it's not, it's, it's helping to connect those things. And that's why we're prescribed stimulants and amphetamines that people don't really understand. I mean, I'm currently prescribed to Adderall, a slow release and then an immediate release as well as some other medications. And, when I take it, I get very tired or I appear tired. And when people are speaking to me, I can see their reaction that it's like, are you paying attention? Because I'm looking at them, but I don't feel like you're listening.

18:51No, it's almost like I'm, I'm, I'm daydreaming or something. And it's like, I'm here. Are you listening? Can you understand what people are saying better when you've taken Adderall? Um, yeah. I mean, like I'm more, uh, still, um, which is, you know, it really just your daily demeanor. Yeah. Much different. You know, um, when I'm untethered, it's like, uh, it could go either way where I'm either absorbing everything all at once or that things are just ping-ponging right off of me and I'm not getting anything. So the biggest thing for me is inconsistency. And that's why I lean on medication a little bit more is because I need something that, not something I need to count on. This is how I'm going to be. And more so I'll be honest is how I am to other people because when I'm not on medication, um, my, my work suffers and I've had issues with relationships. And, um, it's kind of like this, it's kind of a shitty place to be honestly, because it's like, well, how does my job want me versus how do I want to feel? How do I want to be? And that's those two aren't compatible compatible because I can't function. You know, it's like, I have a dysfunctional ADHD and, um, I'm also, uh, co-diagnosed with bipolar and, you know, it's like, I have to do what's best for my

20:53livelihood. Unfortunately. Yeah. You know, and that can, that can come at a cost with weight gain, weight loss, you know, sleep disruption, you know, all sorts of, all sorts of problems can be about the bipolar. How does that show up? Like, what do you recognize when I don't know a lot of that? I imagine I have some version of that too, my moods can swing kind of violently. Like I had a call last night. I was riding high, I had a great day all day. I mean, I was just going, going, going, been doing great things. And I got a phone call last night and I was crushed. Yeah. I had a phone call last night where somebody, it was, it was a, um, through no fault of mine, nothing that I've done, but somebody questioned my integrity to somebody else without talking to me first. And it bothered me so much. I was, I spiraled, like I was so, I wasn't like angry, but I couldn't get out of it. Like why somebody would do something like that.

22:03Yeah. It wasn't true. Wasn't any, but when it attacked my integrity, like all of a sudden I felt like this wave of shame. Yeah. Like I had done something wrong and I hadn't. Yeah. And like I was bad and you know, just even I know in my heart of hearts, but I, I didn't do anything, but the perception that somebody could have construed that this way like crushed me. Yeah. And I was, and I, it was really hard to dig myself out. I had to like, stop, take some breaths and like, think about things. I made several phone calls and like, is that, I imagine that's, I'm not like, I mean, I'm not sure. I mean, like I'm a, I'm a very sensitive person. You know, I mean, like I'm, I've come to terms with it. Like, yeah. Um, I don't, I don't know. I mean, like that definitely sounds like ADD. Um, and the two are so wrapped in each other with, um, with, with matching symptoms where I was first diagnosed with manic depression as a teenager and treated for that. And then it wasn't until I was here in Nashville in my thirties that I was diagnosed with ADHD as well. And when I started being treated for the ADHD, then I was like, Oh shit, this makes sense. Like this, this was the missing piece where there was more to it. There was more to the puzzle. And when I first got put on stimulants, cause I had always been on lead stabilizers and antidepressants and SSRIs. And you know, I could take you through a litany of all those experiences, but the stimulants, the first one I had been put on, I was immediately wanted to start first grade over again and do all my schooling. Like Billy Madison, give me a second chance. Cause I was like, I can't believe

24:10this. I literally remember thinking like, this is how everybody else was able to do it. They were able to read a book and understand it. And they knew how to sit down and do their homework and do a task and finish it. And they knew what completion looked like, whereas like nothing ever looks finished to me. So it's like, I can't, you know, the power of visualization and visualize your goals and your dreams and, and, or, or even the end of this task. It's like that never, I don't know what that looks like. I don't, and I've got a wild imagination, but I cannot picture what the end of this podcast is going to look like, you know, that something is going to have proper punctuation. I feel like when things are done, I'm like, I don't know if that was, was right. I don't know if I did that right. I don't know if this is good enough. And I don't know if, if it'll ever be finished because I'll always be thinking about it and I have to go back and, and correct things. And do you ever give yourself just like little wins? Uh, I mean, I've learned to, you know, but people are gonna hear this and go, you're talking about washing your car. Yes. For me, it was a joke at, at Maryville, because I, my car was always spotless. And he was like, dude, how many times a week do you wash your car? And I was like, I don't know, once or twice. Like, I mean, it's a lot, but the work that we do takes weeks to see you create a new menu. It's not like you just can go sit down and create a new menu and it's done. No, you have ideas, you test things, you, then you have to teach people how to make it.

25:55You put recipes in, you have to put theoreticals together. Then by the time the menu rolls out, it's a month later or several weeks later. And it's like somebody else, dude, I love that. And like you're, you're gone. So for me, like mowing the yard, I can start that task and mow the yard and look at it and go, I did that. And I have full satisfaction in me doing that. I can wash my car and be done with it and go, I can't do any more to that. And I get a win. Yeah. Because everything takes months in our, in our, in leadership that everything takes months. So I do those things on a regular basis as little wins for myself. Yeah. I mean, very excited to be partnering with C and B linen. If you know me, it's my number one topic of conversation is linen companies and how shady linen companies can be. I have just discussed it with how the business practices work in this industry, which is why I was so excited when I found C and B linen. They're out of Waynesboro, Tennessee, and they don't charge any fees. So the linen price that you have, whatever that first linen price is, that's your price. And so you may say, well, every year they must raise the price on this seven year contract, right? No, because they don't do any contracts. There's no gas fees. There's no clean green service fees. There's no replacement cost. There's nothing.

27:24The only price you pay is the price that you pay for the actual product. I know it's too good to be true. No contracts. They do formats. They'll make custom formats for you. They do fresh linens, cleaning supplies. And guys, I just did a tour of their facility and it is immaculate. It is state of the art. I'm going to post pictures on my Instagram. You can go find them and you can see how absolutely gorgeous this is to the point that they even wash and sanitize every one of their used laundry carts. It's just absolutely amazing. If you're looking for a linen company, you can trust who wants to earn your business every single week. Go back and listen to our episode with Jason Cruz, the owner of C and B linen. Hear it from his straight from his mouth, exactly what they do. Or you give them a call at 931-722-7616 or you can DM me at Brandon Styll on Instagram for my exclusive pricing through the Nashville area restaurant alliance. Super source develops and distributes high quality cleaning products and supplies as well as delivers wear wash, housekeeping, laundry programs, and food service training. They partner with restaurants, golf, and country clubs, hotels, and resorts, schools, universities, and healthcare institutions.

28:42Save time and money and reduce inventory by utilizing their high quality products and engaging with their highly trained service specialists. If you're looking for wholesale cleaning products like dish machines in Nashville, Tennessee, they have you covered. Listen guys, this is way more than a dish machine and chemical company. They do not make you sign a contract. They earn your business every single week. And let me tell you, I will personally vouch for Jason Ellis and his entire team over at super source. If you want a dish machine and chemical company like this, give them a call. 770-337-1143. And if you are a member of the Nashville area restaurant alliance, make sure you tell them that you get the special NARA pricing. Sharpier's bakery is a locally owned and family operated wholesale bakery providing bread to Nashville's best eateries. They have operated in Nashville since 1986. Yes, next year will be 40 years. They providing high quality fresh bread daily for restaurants, catering companies, hospitals, and universities. Their bread is also free from any preservatives and artificial flavors. They're right off of White Bridge Road. Erin Moso and her team been doing this for a long time. And you know what I love about them is that they're local and they care about your business. That's like the number one thing you're going to hear me talk about is do they care about your business? And I hundred percent believe that they do.

30:09If you would like to be working with the bakery that cares about your business, give them a call. 615-356-0872. That's 615-356-0872. Now you can always visit them at sharpiers.com. That's C-H-A-R-P-I-E-R-S dot com. And they have pictures of all of the bread that they can have for you and contact information. Go check them out Sharpier's bakery. I use the making the bed thing. That's like a very military thing. And it's important because you begin your day with an achievement. And then also when you come home at night, it's like you're looking at that and you've set yourself up. You've given yourself a favor. It's like look at what I've put together for you. And it feels good. It should feel good. And so kind of the same idea. But I was smiling while you were saying that because I'm very fortunate the restaurant I work in, we're very, we do not do menus like that. It is very much, well let's see if this works. And we'll figure it out on the fly. And I don't want to make this sound like this is chaos because it isn't. But we've gotten to a point, I should definitely say this part, is that Seema, the owner and myself, we have gotten to a point of trust where we trust the process. And she trusts me enough as a chef, thank goodness, where we can put together a dish and it's, I'm not going to submit it to put on the menu if it's not ready. And if I think that it's not going to be received well by the guests and it's not going to identify the restaurant properly. So I need to put that there because

32:11we're not just like throwing things up in the window, but we change the menu every single day. And you know, that could be a little thing. It could be a big thing. And sometimes there are no changes. But at 3.30 every day, I submit the menu with updates. And sometimes that'll be a dish that's never hit the menu before. And we've all come together and meeting me and the kitchen staff and it's like, this flavor, that flavor, what do we have? What do we need to get in? What would we like to play with? All those things go into it. But when you've created this team and everybody is on the same page as far as what the play is, then you can have a lot of fun with it and things come together. And my former sous chef, Michelle, we would joke so much because this would happen time and again where we would visualize a dish. We'd come up with this idea. We would workshop it. We would try so hard and go through the process and then it would land on the menu.

33:29And there'd be another dish that we just threw together. It would do twice as well. And people loved it. And it sold. And they were like, this was the best thing we've ever had. And it's like, we worked so hard on this other one. And it's like, there's no math behind it. It's not like you have to put a certain amount of effort or time or energy into it. It's like either it lands or it doesn't period. And it doesn't matter how it doesn't mean like one dish is better than the other necessarily. It's just like that one landed. That's why I think that musicians are very similar to chefs putting out a song. Some songs aren't good. Some are number one hits. And you never know the one, you know, Paul McCartney wrote Live and Let Die in about nine minutes. And you go, sometimes those are the ones that really crush. I think it's interesting because we talked about restaurant people being just going from different places. You used to work at Sapphire. I'm sure you've had other restaurant jobs. Is this one a perfect fit for you and your personality and the things that light you up? I mean, working with Seema, I had Seema on the show a couple months ago. And I just love her. Like she's so amazing. And to work in that environment for you with the way that you are, and I don't mean that in any kind of a negative way, just you as a person. I am a certain way. I am too. I need a certain environment for me to be able to thrive. Do you feel like this is a perfect environment for you to be able to thrive?

35:14Absolutely. I mean, I'm going on six years there. And I mean, that's a lifetime in the restaurant industry. And I'm not the type of cook or chef that could just execute recipes day after day after day after day. Going back to what started this conversation, that's just not how I operate. I would get bored. I couldn't work in a factory on an assembly line without thinking every day, how could we do this differently? Who made this? Why does this machine work this way? This is brilliant. Who put this together? Why are the lights like that? How can we tweak any of this? There always has to be this refinement, this adjustment to do it better. And that's what has worked with Mielle and working with Seema is we're not stagnant and we don't stand still. Literally or figuratively, it's like it is a movement. And what attracted me to that position, I mean, we spoke about this in the first interview where it was like I had been so burnt out in the restaurant industry that I wasn't even sure if I wanted to cook again. I mean, I was pretty sure I didn't want to ever give myself to some restaurant again, because it was so defeating, to say the very least and toxic. So when I saw her ad, it was the only one that sounded like somebody had written it, that it wasn't some bullshit HR, like, oh, food cost and monitoring labor, and you're going to be in charge of menu development and hiring and training staff.

37:09It's like, yeah, no shit, that's what the job is. But what is this job? Like, you're not telling me anything. This is the most boring bullshit ad I've ever read. And you sound like all the others, you're indistinguishable. And you're not going to attract a creative, high intensity person that likes to get things done, in my opinion. Apparently, you do. I mean, they're out there, but you're not. This just sounds so lame. And I've been guilty of writing that one. Yeah. You just put something out there, asking you what was the base on your like, but to have somebody actually write. And I mean, I've taken, I've definitely taken it too far in the other direction when I'm like, yeah, come be a part of a freestyle kitchen and kick some ass with a team that loves it and all this. And it's like, you know, people are like, what, what's going on? This doesn't even sound like a job. But the ad that I answered for her, it sounded different. And I couldn't put my finger on it other than this sounds like somebody actually wrote this and has passion. And we talked on the phone for two hours. And it was just a fit, you know, and the flexibility and the trust and we're just able to to make things special. And I've just had my, as so many people in this industry, you just have your hands tied with with doing special things, you know, and yeah, does that.

38:59A hundred percent. No, I want to, I want to shift back about 15 minutes from where we were. Good, because I was going to say, I don't want to, I do want to answer your question about you had asked me what bipolar is like, and I don't want to get too far away from that. Well, let's, we can jump back in there, but I also, I know if I'm listening to this and I'm a restaurant person, I was 46 years old when I was diagnosed with ADHD. I don't take an amphetamine because I had a heart condition, atrial fibrillation. I had a surgery in 2017. It's fixed. I don't have any issues with it. I'm sure it'll come back up at some point, but I'm not, I can't take like an amphetamine. So they give me something called streptera, which is like in the world of antidepressants. And I like it. I don't like it at times. Like at different milligrams I can take, but I do notice a noticeable difference in it. But what started it was this book called Driven to Distraction. I can't tell you the author, but if you, there's an audio book out there, which is how I read. When I say I read a book, it means I listen. I will tell you, and people get all up in arms about that. Like if you listen to a book, you can say you read it. To me, you can say that and I'm fine with it. So I just need the content of what's in the book. Like the fact that I actually, I don't have, do you want me to say I don't have the ability to sit down and read a book? I don't have the time to sit down and read them. I probably do have the time to sit down because I scroll on my phone enough, but like when I'm driving, I don't listen to pop music. I listen to books and it enriches me. And I'm able to lock into that. And I love it. But I'm on your team. I'm on your team. Like you didn't read it. Like my brother's shaking his head. That's great. But when I read this book, I said that when I read this book, Driven to Distraction, Driven to Distraction, I was mowing the yard and I did it, listened to it while I mowed the yard for like three weeks. And it was like the

41:01biggest light bulb ever went off on me because I've wondered why I'm the way that I am. This is before you were diagnosed. You read this book? Before I was diagnosed. Oh, wow. Okay. I saw on some real Jason Sudeikis or somebody was like, I read this book Driven to Distraction. It helped me understand I have ADHD. And I was like, I can't seem to be like something was off with me. And it was frustrating the shit out of me why I'm the way that I am. And then I listened to this book and I was like, Oh, my God, I figured it out. Like, this is the thing. And there's so many symptoms that go undiagnosed that I didn't recognize. And I think it's good to talk about some of those things and how you're able to when you recognize some of the symptoms of ADHD and what to do and how you can counter them. Because I still to this day, I don't like to use it as an excuse. But now I recognize when I'm in a crowded room and somebody says something, I can't hear them. I'm like, What did you say? Like if I can't, then why my wife says, when I'm in here on the podcast, I'm a completely different person. Because I can lock in. Well, the whole world is shut out right now. Everything is I can't focus on anything else. My voice is in my ears. You're like, I'm looking great. I can hear every single word you're saying. If we're in a bar, I'd be able to hear half the shit you were saying, because I just, I can't focus. I have too many receptors that are out there. And I'm like, I need to be able to hear what you're saying loudly in my ear for me to comprehend it. Yeah, of course, an ADHD response. And my wife's like, you're not even listening, like, I'm trying to listen to you, but I can't. And it becomes a source of contention, or even in a restaurant, like for guests is, I was good at taking orders and listening to guests, because it was all centered around what was happening in the restaurant. So I knew the context, and I could focus. But if it was off topic, like, I'm sorry,

43:04I can't hear you. And I would have to like, get down at the table and speak into my good ear. Yeah, and that's it. That's a total ADHD response, because there's so much stimuli around you. It just strains it out. Yeah, just and then keeping balls in the air, and you kind of keep the really big ones, but small ones fall off. And you're like, that happened. And you're fragmented in so many different ways is why people like, I put a podcast out whenever I do one. Yeah, it's not like every Monday at 10 o'clock, there's a podcast, I could never keep that schedule. God, no, it's just when I record one or two, then when I have the time to like, get the energy to put it all together and put it out. Yeah, then it comes out. And it's like, that can show up as frustrating if you're a listener, and you're looking for a new episode every Monday. And it's just, it's just part of it. But then I beat myself up for not putting an episode out every Monday. Hey, man, you're spreading the disease. You're making other people ADD. Well, I want other people to know that it's okay, because when I started taking medicine for it, like, all of a sudden, it was in the book, he says, it's like, if you have ADHD your whole life, or if you have like an astigmatism, and everything is blurry to you, and then somebody comes and puts a pair of glasses on you, and you're like, Oh, my God, I can, that was my moment, I can read, like, the words aren't really blurry. I just thought that words were blurry. I just thought that's just the way life was. I've lived with that forever. And then you put a pair of glasses on and you're like, Holy shit, I can see.

44:41Yeah, that's the way I felt. And I'm sure if you listen to the podcast, if you're one of the listeners out there, like, yeah, he's been talking about this for like a year now. Because I feel like I cracked the code. I figured it out. I think that I think that that that is a great way to to, to make it understandable, specifically with mental illness. Because I think if you're walking with a limp, it's noticeable. If you, you know, have a twitch, that's something that you can tell other people might not have. But it's, it's harder to, I mean, it's almost impossible to understand, impossible to understand, like, how other minds work. And I'm specifically talking about healthy versus illness versus neurodivergent to all that. So, you know, one of the questions they'll ask you in a psychiatric hospital is, are you hearing or seeing things that nobody else is?

45:54And I always have a hard time with that, because I'm like, well, how would I know how would I fucking know what you're seeing? And then I'm like thinking, well, if it's real to me, it's real to me. I don't know what you're asking. I don't know how I'm supposed to answer your question, because everything I'm hearing and seeing is fucking real. And it's as real as it gets. So what you bring to people, and I'll tell you if I see two or three people, you tell me what you see. Is there a way we can test this right now? Yeah. So I mean, the answer is usually just like, I don't think so. I don't think so. But I can't be sure. Like, what are you talking about? So to your point, it's like you don't know that your your eyesight is blurry or that you're misfiring chemically in your brain if you've got nothing to, if you've got no other frame of reference at all, you know. And for me, it was when I first started taking ADD medication that it was like, those glasses went on and I talk about it. I also CBD is a huge thing for me. And that works really well with both the bipolar and the ADD. And I've never used that without medication as well. So I wouldn't recommend I'm not advocating to just lean on that. CBD or THC? CBD. Specifically for me is it's the best way that I can describe it is like putting a filter over my brain, where I'll have like a stop moment before I react to something. Emotions are tuned down so that things get in a little bit easier. And I can listen to somebody without immediately getting defensive or scared or jumpy. And THC is something that I've been leaning into a little bit more. But I've had so many. And I used to be a huge fucking pot smoker. Yeah, like, incredibly, like, I, I don't, I think

47:58it's, there is something that should be studied. And maybe it has about people in my age that were heavy pot smokers in the 90s, who can't go near it now because paranoia, psychosis. I mean, I've had psychological breaks where I'm like, I can't, like, like straight fear, locking myself in my house and all. And I'm like, what the fuck happened? And what's his name? Dusty Slay, the Nashville comic. He said, he said it perfectly. He's like, when did pot become a drug? Because it's like it became a fucking hard drug. That's like dangerous and scary when it used to be like, I just want to fucking relax and laugh or, you know, chill on the couch or whatever. And so I steered away from that for a long time. And I always thought of CBD as being like what it feels like when you're coming down from a high where it's like, okay, now I can function like, like, but I'm still not entirely quote unquote sober or it's still in my system, but it's like, I'm not fucked up. But with THC, low dosages and, and certain quality, because just because it says five milligrams isn't the same five milligrams as over here. So, and I don't smoke, so I'll take it with drinks and gummies that way to administer it, which is a completely different experience.

49:38And I have found more success with that. And speaking with my therapist, um, she asked me about that. She prompted the question, have I, do I smoke pot or do I use THC? And I explained to her what's going on. And she said, because she sees several people with bipolar that have had great success with THC alone. And it, and and getting back into it slightly, you know, it's, it's a great way for me to calm everything down and be okay. And, you know, I can, the best way I can describe it is like, you're able to think about triggers without being triggered. It's like the, but you're not disassociated either. You're just okay with it. And it's like, that's interesting. And with that, you can, you can grow and heal and be functional and do healthy things. So, um, I don't recommend it for everybody. Um, I don't recommend anything for everybody, but I can say with my own experience, it's been, it's been huge.

51:01I do the same thing. My, my psychiatrist, because you had to go to a psychiatrist for the diagnosis. I don't see that person anymore. My primary character prescribed for Tara, but she told me, she said, I can't tell you this because you're in Tennessee, but you do have legal THC there. She just combined with her Tara, like a two milligram was like a micro dose works in concert with it really well. And it helps you walk in. So I didn't, I take like a two milligram in the morning with my stratera. I don't get high at all. But there's, there's a danger in some of the things that we're saying for people that haven't done the work. Yeah. And everybody's chemistries are different because when you identify certain things in yourself, you have to learn some tools in order to, a lot of it, the way I kind of started was regulation and being able to regulate those emotions is one of our hardest things because you go up and down and you feel a lot, especially people that have been numbing it for a really long time. A lot of people are out of dry January now. A lot of people say, I went through a dry February too. We'll see how this thing goes. They're redefining their relationship with alcohol. But a lot of people who are our age, that was kind of a solution that was taught to them. And when you haven't learned how to regulate emotions appropriately for this long, a hard stop and then saying, Oh, well, I'll just use THC. You're just substituting one for the other. Yeah. Then I think at our age, you have way more responsibilities. And then all of a sudden that's where that paranoia comes in. But if you aren't able to regulate your emotions, learn the reason why you were using in the first place and address those things in yourself through therapy, through meditation, through whatever it might be and kind of come to peace with some of that, then I think that for ADHD there's an immediate medication. But like when you start introducing a CBD or a THC without doing the work,

53:06it can replace and do the similar thing that like an alcohol or a drug would, because you're using it in the same way. But if you're using it medicinally in a low dose, because you know that if I take a sativa at night or in the morning, it's going to keep me energized while I'm on this ADHD, which calms me. But then it helps me in my hyper focus, stay in that hyper focus longer at nighttime. A CBN with like melatonin and another two milligrams can help you fall asleep faster versus scrolling in your brain going crazy. Then I think you're being strategic. You're being strategic and you're using it in a way that's more productive and helpful. But if you don't do that work and recognize what you're doing before you do that, you're just trading one thing for another. Yeah, I don't, I'm not a huge fan of the whole like, I'm sober, but I smoke pot every day. That's like, well, I mean, and I'm not, that's not sober.

54:07That's why I tell you, I'll say I'm alcohol free. Yeah. Because I don't drink any alcohol, but also I don't want to be labeled or called something I'm not. And it's like, I don't care. I don't get high. Yeah. And I'm not shaming anybody or saying like, I can do it and you can't. That's not, that's, that's, I want to be clear that it's like, it like sober October. It's like, go, go sober. Like, so like, go, don't do anything. Otherwise you're not getting the benefit of like, like really not having anything in your system to help you, you know, you're relying on yourself. And that can be a very scary thing, especially if you're mentally unwell. But I mean, that, that to me is what being completely free of anything is. But, but I, you know, I digress.

55:08I'm not trying to, you know, I'm jealous of people that don't have this thing that can have a glass of wine with dinner and just enjoy a glass of wine with a steak and then go home and not have to have like five more. Yeah. I mean, that wasn't something I could do. Yeah. I'm jealous of people that don't have that gene. Yeah. Running a restaurant is tough. Staff turnover, rising costs, and the endless tasks that bog you down and take you away from what you love. Let Adams Keegan lighten that load. Their privately held Tennessee based restaurant and hospitality focused outsourced HR, payroll, and benefits firm. The team at Adams Keegan removes the administrative burdens of HR administration, payroll benefits management, garnishments, unemployment claims, compliance, 401k, and so much more. From their proprietary platform to seamless payroll and competitive benefits that keep your team smiling, they've got you covered. Adams Keegan lets you focus on what you do best, creating unforgettable dining experiences while they handle the rest. Essentially think of Adams Keegan as your back office HR department right here in Music City. One of the many things I love about Adams Keegan is that unlike big publicly traded companies out there, they have an incredibly high standard of customer service. And that that's what we all need is really good customer service in these areas. They don't give you a 1-800 number and make you fill out an IT ticket submission. They surround every client with a team of experts, all based right here in Tennessee. You can call them today at 615-627-0821 or visit adamskeegan.com. That's A-D-A-M-S-K-E-E-G-A-N.com for your free HR consultation and see how they can create a customized solution to help your restaurant thrive. Hey guys, today we are talking about Robin's Insurance and restaurants carry a very unique set of risks. We can customize a menu of

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01:00:27And that's, yeah. I was a very heavy drinker, and when I catch myself now talking about things that I've done, like to a younger generation who surprisingly don't seek out those behaviors, at least to my experience with the younger folks that I've worked with, I sound, I'm like, goddamn, like I had a fucking problem. I didn't think that I was that bad. I thought I was just like everybody else, but it's like, no, you fucking abused alcohol to the fullest. Like you had a drinking problem real bad. And the one thing that keeps me from saying that I'm an alcoholic is last night, my lady made these fucking killer pork chops when I got home. And I was like, you know, we've got so many bottles of wine that are, we're just saving, you know, for the right meal or the right occasion. And I was like, man, that would go great with this.

01:01:36But I was like, ah, I should drink water. I don't have water all day. And then it was like, we just sat there drinking water. And, you know, I mean, usually I'll grab a tea or something, something that's not just water. But and one of those bottles would have gone perfect with that. And I was so close. But it was never like this internal fight of like, you shouldn't. I was just like, I'm doing the radio show tomorrow. Like, I get up like, don't just have water. And it was a nonissue. And that's, that's why me personally, I don't think that I'm an alcoholic. Because I just made that decision on my own. Yeah. And but, you know, years ago, I mean, it would have been like, let's drink that whole fucking bottle right now. Was there a moment that you had like that? There was like that we may have talked about before I don't remember. Was there a moment that you have when you realized that you were like a heavy drinker? Was there like this rock bottom kind of moment where you're like, I'm not doing this shit anymore? No, no, I mean, I always knew that I was my nickname was puke for fucking 20 years. I mean, through three different states that I lived for, you know, it just does my reputation of just being this fucking wild drinker.

01:03:02But it was after the pandemic, because obviously, the pandemic, maybe not so obvious, but I was drinking a lot during the shutdown. There just came a point where it's like, I would open a beer, drink a little bit of it, and then I'd wake up in the morning, and it'd be on my kitchen counter half full. And I was like, why are you buying beer? You're not good at this anymore. Like you're just you're just doing it because that's what you know what to do. But like almost like the party's not happening. Not that the party's over, but it's like it's not happening right now. Like you're just spending all this money on booze to have it to grab it, because that's a habit. Holy shit. That's pretty crazy. You're just grabbing it to have it. I don't know. But it's like, that's all it was. It was routine for me. There was no, I wasn't getting drunk. I wasn't drinking to the point of inebriation. I would just grab a beer and crack it and sip on it because that is what I bought to drink. And it was like, why don't you just get other shit to drink? Because you're not finishing these. You're not feeling good. You're just getting full really quick and burpy. Like, what the fuck are you doing? It was a waste of my time and money. And it was really that simple for me to stop drinking. And I say, I'm not- Were you on ADHD medicine when you did that?

01:04:48Yeah. Well, I was medicated, but I can't tell you what medication I was on at that time. I mean, it's changed several times. And- So I'm going to say, if I guess my reason behind that question is sometimes when you're on medication, it can help you regulate some of those things that you- For sure. Over drinking to drown out. For sure. If you are able to solve that problem that I mentioned about doing the work, if you're able to solve that problem as to why you're drinking other ways, drinking becomes less attractive because the result of getting wasted, you're already addressing that in other places. Yeah. But maybe that was the case, but I didn't see it that way. I didn't see myself as like, I'm subbing something healthy out for something that's unhealthy. It was just like, this isn't worth it. And period. I'm just done. And I want to be clear that it's like, I'm not sober. I'm not, I don't not drink. It's like, I'll still allow myself that. And I think for somebody like me, it's almost easier if I have the choice and choose not to, where it's like, you know, I was a smoker for a long time and I had quit several, there were several stretches I went where I quit and I was never the person that was like, when I finished this pack, I'm done. It was like always, and I would say that to myself and I could never do it.

01:06:27And then I'd be halfway through a pack and I'd be like, fuck you. And I would just fucking throw it in my glove box and be like, I'm just, I'm done right now. I'm done. I don't feel like I need this anymore. And I would always quit halfway through a pack or I'd smoke one or two and I wouldn't even need to throw them out. I was just like, I'm, I'm over this. And I don't know what that is. And it doesn't sound like a typical addict can do those things. And I'm not trying to say that I'm, I, again, it's like, I don't not smoke. It's like, I haven't had a cigarette and fucking probably six months. And the last time I did, I had to, because I was having an episode where I couldn't calm myself down. And it does it. I mean, it takes the fucking drains my energy immediately when I'm in a rage or, you know, having a manic episode or something. It's like, and there's, there's been studies that have shown that nicotine actually helps reduce the symptoms of schizophrenia as well. And a lot of it's statistically, a lot of schizophrenics are heavy smokers and there's a correlation there, but there's never been any study done further than that as to like, should it be developed into some sort of medicine or what, what can we do to connect those dots better? But, you know, I've been completely transparent with my therapists and psychiatrists about that. And they're like, if, if, if that helps in the moment, I'm not going to tell you not to, like smoking isn't good and you know that, but it's better than some of the alternatives that could happen during that time. And so to answer your question,

01:08:31it's like, do I smoke now? I don't consider myself a smoker, but I think that I can't deal too well with that. Like never again thing. I think it's like, I've got bottles of wine all over my place and I've got a liquor cabinet that I just don't touch. And it's like, I don't give a shit. I don't think about it. I don't go home and struggle with that. It's just there if I want it and if I don't, I don't. Are you wanting to do this? And I tell you, you can't have something you immediately want it more. So if you, if you had to tell you, if you had to mourn alcohol, I had to mourn alcohol. I went to a Kroger one time about a steak that we started to quit drinking and I had to mourn the fact that I'm never going to drink wine again. And I had to like, go sit in my car for like five minutes and go, that sucks. Like I, when you say you're going to quit drinking, then you realize like, I love a glass of wine with this. When you go, I can't have discussed wine. I love, truthfully, I love drinking a bottle of wine while cooking, then a bottle of wine while eating.

01:09:40And then maybe after you watch a movie, finishing up that second bottle of wine and like it was, it was a nine. I had to mourn that. I'm never going to do that. I, there's an identity that comes along with being the heavy drinker. And that was fucking hard for me to swallow where it was like, because I mean, me stopping drinking wasn't difficult, but it was like, that's all I knew. And everything that I had ever done from a teenager into adulthood involved drinking everything. If we were, what do we do for fun? If we're going to go do a show, I'm going to be drunk. If we go to an amusement park, I'm going to be drunk. If we go camping, I'm going to be drunk. No matter what we're doing, no matter how interesting a museum, I'm going to be fucking drunk. And it was just part of it. And it was like, well, it's the identity that was gone. And like, now I'm just, am I boring? Or am I like, how do I reconcile that? Or, you know, am I selling out? Am I like this 40 year old who's like, I don't party anymore. But it's like, how much of that was you and how much of that was just like, abusing a fucking chemical. So I didn't, I, there was a little bit of warning to answer your question that went in there. Yeah. You know, my sister, uh, she owns Killjoy. Oh, I didn't know your sister owns that. My sister owns Killjoy. Oh, that's awesome. She quit drinking back year after me and she just gave a Ted talk. Oh wow. Yeah. Ted X Nashville. Go find it on YouTube. You haven't seen it. It's called finding joy. It's the whole idea was joy. And she's saying finding joy and not drinking. And one of the things that she brought up, which I thought was really fascinating and she was the first episode of the year that you had her on the podcast on January 1st. You

01:11:43can listen to that one too. This is repetitive. She talks about marketing and how good the alcohol companies are at marketing alcohol in good time. They go hand in hand. And the science behind it is when you drink, it creates endorphins and makes you, it, you, so you have a great time. You can make anything better. And then you like that feeling and that feeling feels good. Go out with friends. We'll have some drinks. We'll laugh. I associate drinking with fun and joy. Yeah. But what happens is that's an elevated sense of self. When you drink, when you drink, everything is just turned up and perked up and endorphins are flowing and it's like fun. Well, what happens is as a placebo, if I grow this effect, that means regular life starts to not have any luster to it. Yeah. Sex, better if I was drunk.

01:12:54If we're drinking, it'd be fun. Let's, let's have some drinks and go do this hiking. She, she tells the story of, you know, maybe hiking to the top of a mountain and watching a sunset completely sober after being sober for a long time and just taking it in and feeling it all. But if you're a drinker, you get up there and what's the thing that you think? That's what I can do. It'd be like, cool. If we had a beer right now, because nothing is nothing in normal life will ever reach that high. Nothing in a normal life will ever reach that level you get after you drink three or four beers or whatever it is, whatever level your body tolerates to. So we all of a sudden get in a pattern of everything needs alcohol to, we're just living in this false high all the time. But when you finally stop all of that and you learn, and then you regulate everything where you climb that mountain, you can just see it and everything, then you have a real true barometer for like how good things are because we know we don't realize it because we constantly have all this, this alcohol in our system that makes us think that everything has to be this grandeur. Everything has to feel good.

01:14:09So if we start to feel bad, what do we need? The prescription is I need that thing that makes me feel good. And that's where addiction comes into play is that we don't know if something's good or bad because we immediately turned alcohol, immediately turned to something that says, I don't like this feeling. Make me feel that way. The term I need a beer. It's been a long day. I need a beer. Nobody ever says it's a long day. Man, I really need to meditate and understand why I'm feeling the way that I'm feeling so I can reconcile my emotion. You know what I mean? Nobody ever says, no, they go, no, I need to take a deep breath right now and regulate. I can so angry. She's like, that's great. And it frustrates the shit out of you. She's like, welcome that anger. The anger is telling you something. What does that make you feel the anger all the way through? You know, like what that means is anger is there to tell you something is going on. Yeah. And it's, you know, it's an emotion. You have to feel it all the way through or it will come out somewhere. It's almost like if you eat food, it's going to come out somewhere. You have to expel it. And so a lot of times my hack is I will go to my car because at a restaurant, I go to my car and grab my steering wheel and I will scream as loud as I can. I'll just go, ah, I'll do this like two or three times until I feel like I've got everything out.

01:15:34And once you express that anger, then you can go, Oh, like it's almost like that. You have to pee for a really long time. Yeah. I don't have to pee anymore. Like that's once you're able to express that anger, because a lot of times we stuff it in and then somebody will walk up and they go, Hey, do you know where the salt shaker is? You go, you don't know where the salt shaker is like, Oh, that's the anger coming out in a different way. You didn't want it to. So once you let that out, then you can say, okay, what's the root of my anger? What am I angry about? Like, okay, I'm angry that this happened. Now, what part do I play in the result that that happened? And how can I go through it? Can I do differently? I want to apologize to this person. I need to go make this right. And it's like, most people would just go stuff it in. If it doesn't come out, I need a drink. I'm going to go numb that because I don't want to feel that because that's complicated. And then you go out and you drink and then there's resentment. And it's like, Oh, I see how this complicated web of things happens around when you use alcohol as an answer to those things versus healthy versions of working through your emotions and identifying what they are and doing it healthy way. Long answer to that. Do you know, does that resonate with you? Know what I'm saying? Yeah, like the alcohol elevating. Well, this is, this is something that's come up recently because I did talk to a couple of people in the industry before coming on here. And one of the things that was brought up is that there aren't a lot of alternatives for drinking after hours. Let me, let me rephrase this with the hours that we work, there isn't a lot of alternatives to drinking when we get off because we're night owls for the most part.

01:17:22And we work long hours, but when you get off, there isn't a yoga class at midnight. There isn't, there aren't even fucking support groups at midnight. Yeah. Okay. There isn't a place that you can go and hang out or do art or play music. It's like, there's 24 hour gyms, but that's not social. In my experience, that's a very isolating thing, even if you are in a crowd. So something that I've, that helped bring to light for me was, and you nailed it is like going out and drinking. It wasn't just the alcohol. It was like, I'm surrounded by people, loud music lights, where we're yelling, we're going to conquer the fucking world. We're celebrating how hard today was and how great tomorrow is going to be, or how fucked we are for tomorrow, but we're going in anyways, and it's going to be awesome to doing things that are in solitude. So I replaced that with running late at night, with painting, with practicing rudiments on a drum pad by myself. And so, and I'm not saying that those things are bad or not healthy, but they're not social. And that's the distinction.

01:18:49And there's an enormous drop off between those two things, because it doesn't go from two to one, it goes from 100 to one, like real fast, where you're, you know, redlining peak cortisol to, I'm doing this tranquil thing that is calming and soothing, which is great. But where is that thrill? Where's the camaraderie? Where is the social aspect to it? And a lot of the times that gets filled with social media, and that's not a healthy replacement, to an extent. It can be, it can be healthy to stay in touch with people, but it gets taken too far. And I don't think social media is healthy at all. Not at all? I don't. Okay, I'll take that back. I think there are positive sides to social media. There's a lot I've learned from social media. Have you ever gone on and laughed out loud at something? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Usually it's at somebody else's expense. I mean, it's all creating a bias to some degree. I mean, it's helped with the polarization of our country. Absolutely. There's no doubt about that. And that's the very clear thing.

01:20:15But I think what gets missed is people who live in other states or other countries that you can see. I mean, there's cooks that I used to work with that now live in Mexico and Italy and Spain and Japan and that I can still talk to instantly. And there's no delay. There's no time delay. It's like, I can send them a message or I can see what they're doing. And that's a great way to stay in contact. My parents, for Christ's sake, we don't live near each other or my brother, for that matter. And I can still stay in touch. That's why I got on Facebook in the first place. So I try and keep it with that. And then the algorithm is going to throw you off and they're going to say, no, no, no, pay attention to this. And it's like, you know, for me, Instagram is more unmanageable because of the speed and the format. But with Facebook, I feel like it's a little bit more, okay, I can see that I'm no longer here for the reason that I came on. Whereas the second I opened Instagram, I'm like, why did I come on here? Shit, why did I come on here? And now I'm watching fights and car accidents and terrible shit. I have lots of shark fishing and snake identification. That's a good thing. Of course, there's so many good things on there. I can tell you, there's a copperhead and a cottonmouth and a diamondback rattlesnake and snake identification groups are good. Those things can save your life. Social media has the tools that can make you, you can learn another fucking language on there. You could do all sorts of things, but it's what we either I don't want to say it's what we choose to do with it, because it's designed heavily against you to not have the decision making power. We realize it's just a thing to sell out.

01:22:17Yeah, this is made to sell. The initial idea of people in communities is amazing. And if it does that, then yes. Yeah. But they're there to get eyeballs to sell ads, but also to collect information that they can sell. But I mean, the prime example is, and I'm gonna throw some shade here is the fucking Nashville restaurant Facebook page or the hospitality page. You go on there and it's like somebody could just be like, Hey, I'm really interested in learning how to make artisan cocktails. Who can I learn from? Oh, learn from this person. Oh, fuck that person. They're a dickhead. Well, what about this? Well, I wouldn't work for them because they do this. Oh, and how much are you even making when you're doing that? And it turns into this fucking shit storm. And it's like, this person came on here with, like, I want to improve myself. Can anybody here help me? And it's like, Oh, we can help you feel bad about it. Or, and then it's like, how many of those are even fucking real people. So then you realize that's a chat bot from Indonesia that has two followers and they put it on there to get engagement to start these fights.

01:23:32Because then it drives engagement to that thing. And it's all about that algorithm of driving engagement. It's like, that's where I feel like it's not good. Like this isn't good. This is tearing us apart. And it gives somebody who's sitting at home that false sense of community that I can be on here and I can. Yeah, but more people are, are seen past the curtain. And I think if you pull 10 people, they would all say what you and I just agreed on, which is like half of it's fake. And it's all about divisiveness. And we don't want that. I mean, I think that's not to get off on a tangent, but I think that's how this fucking country is. We all agree on a lot of fucking things, but what's happening is the things that we disagree on. It's like, we all want this. And it's like, okay, well, then this is what we're going to do. We're going to do the opposite. That's like, well, why literally every fucking person I talk to is against that. But this is what we're going to do. The social media is- You want murderers and rapists from other countries coming in illegally and killing people.

01:24:43Not a single person. Not a single fucking person. Let all those people in. Do you want I standing at Home Depot, pulling people out of their car, separating them from their families because they're trying to make a living? No, I don't want that. I don't want you doing that. But the initial thing was we're getting rapists. We're getting murderers off streets like without just profiling people that don't look like you. And like, and so that's a major social media. Social media is just like salivating. Oh, we're going to show both sides of this and we're going to build this. And people, that's how they get their news and information. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I just recently found out that one of my former cooks got deported over the weekend and can't come back. And I can tell you that he's none of those things, but a hardworking, really awesome individual. And I've worked with a fuck ton of immigrants.

01:25:46And this gentleman stood out as someone who wanted to learn English, who wanted to learn the next job and wanted to do well and was naturally fucking talented. I mean, he could make pate a choux without a recipe. He learned how to make pavlova better than anybody that I've ever taught. I mean, he had a natural knack for fucking pastry, for Christ's sake. And he could build a salad that was stunning. This was somebody who could have made this country better. And with my time with that person, he did. And he would not have been, I can probably say, with a certain amount of certainty that he would not have been deported if it weren't for all the bullshit that's going on right now. But I don't want to get too far down the weeds on that kind of stuff. We tend to do this for an hour and 15 minutes in. Is that bad? Is that good?

01:26:48Okay. All right. We're already about 15 minutes over. Okay. A lot of time that I typically like to do it in an hour. So I guess we could wrap. We could say, I think that I love having you on because these are really honest conversations. I don't think that either of us are here saying these things because we need validation for ourselves or whatever's going on. But I feel like I want to be a leader and I want to be vulnerable, which is something I've never really been good at. The podcast has given me a lot of opportunity to be vulnerable. And I'm constantly searching and working and trying to identify ways to improve. I just want to improve a lot. It feels like you're the same way and you want to help other people. It's kind of in our DNA and the restaurant world to serve others and do these things. And I think these conversations are really helpful for anybody out there who's listening. Yeah. I mean, if I listen to a show about somebody who did something, I'm like, that's interesting. That reminds me about tall people. I'm like, I didn't know I did that because I'm tall. That's interesting. I want to share this information so that anybody out there who might hear something like this might gain some idea about themselves and maybe have some realization and maybe want to learn more. That's the main thing that I want to do.

01:28:08I mean, there's the saying that we've all heard where it's hurt people, hurt people, people who have been hurt, hurt others. But there's another addendum to that that people don't talk about, which is a lot of the times people like myself can empathize better. And I connect more with the person on the side of the road that holds a sign that says nothing left than to somebody driving an Aspen Martin with a fucking gold watch and a nice haircut who fucking steps over a change on the sidewalk. I don't empathize with that because I don't understand that. But I fucking understand having nothing left. I understand that 100%. And that person to me is a fucking person. So there is something to be said about the other side of the coin of hurt people, hurt people, because sometimes hurt people help people too. And that's what I think this chapter of my life needs to be. That's what I'm working towards.

01:29:22Me too. I really feel like I'm broken to some degree, but I'm not out and I'm positive and I'm working through all this stuff and I do want to help. I totally agree with everything you just said. And this always happens at the end of the show. We do the Gordon Bootservers final thought. That could have been your final thought if you would like it to be. That's kind of a nice little segue, but I will give you the opportunity. Gordon Bootservers are amazing presenting sponsor of the show. We do the Gordon Bootservers final thought, whatever you want to say to everybody with a thought. Okay. I think it's right along those lines where it's like a lot of restaurants and the bigger companies, the restaurant groups want to talk about, we support mental health and we do, you know, we take that in very seriously and into consideration and put the work in because it can't be a fucking buzzword. It can't just be a ploy to hire somebody. It can't be a bait and switch. You have to train your managers. You have to train your staff. You have to know what to do.

01:30:28You can't say, oh, if you're having a mental crisis, you can come to me. Well, if you don't know what to do in that instant, then you're fucked and you're putting somebody else in danger. You have to put the work in and that's critical. So if you really want to help people and you really want to raise awareness about mental health and mental illness, do the other part. Okay. Train your staff and learn more about it. I love it. Jason Lyakona, thank you for joining us today. The final word I don't reply to. It's just your final word. Well, thank you. I always have a great time coming here and talking about talking shop. Like grab a cup of coffee sometime. We got to like hang. We could do this for hours. I really enjoy this and like I said, you're always welcome anytime you want to come. Well, thank you. I love it. Have ideas or thoughts or whatever you want to do.

01:31:30Yeah. I got a couple. I got a couple. I want to talk to you off air. Yeah. Well, hell yeah. Let's get to it. Yeah. Have a wonderful rest of your day and we will talk to you again soon. Thank you so much for having me. Big thank you to Jason Lyakona for joining us here on the podcast. Sorry about the audio. I said that was a lost episode and Mike didn't pick up. I had to kind of figure out a way. It sounds much better with a microphone. I won't lie. But now it is time for the Gordon food service final thought. Back when we recorded that episode, we were still having the guests do the final thought, but now we're doing it after the show. And here is my final thought. Everybody has something. Everybody has something that they're dealing with. For me, it is this ADHD thing and how addiction shows up in that and all of the complexities around that. For Jason, ADHD, bipolar, all of the different things that he's dealing with it. He is learning a way to look in a mirror and identify how he can address it. One thing that you will never hear us do is blame anybody else for our predicament in life. I think that the default is I want to get high and I'm going to blame everybody else. And that is what keeps you stuck. And we're all dealing with something. Everybody out there has their own shit. And until you look in the mirror and you decide I'm tired of doing the same thing over and over and not getting the same result, then you'll get the same result. And that's a tough one. And so today I'm going to say, go see a therapist. Go find somebody. And if you can't afford that, they offer free versions. You can Google ways to see somebody for 15 minutes. Something you can do. A lot of different AA meetings are kind of like therapy. They're great. There's NA meetings. There's Al-Anon. If you are

01:33:36with somebody who is an alcoholic. And those can act as therapy. Sometimes just saying things out loud to somebody else and being truthful about it. Every year that you stay alcohol-free or sober, you get a chip. And on that chip it says, to thine own self be true. And I'll remember that. The first time I saw it, I went, wow, I've stopped lying to myself. That everything's okay and that I don't have a problem. And it was a huge weight off of my shoulders when I first realized that, hey, I have this. I'm going to address it. I'm not going to sweep it under the rug anymore. And it was really freeing and amazing. And that is my wish for anybody out there. Whatever the thing is that you're dealing with, get some help. Ask for help. Raise your hand. Because you are special. No matter what anybody out there says, each and every one of you is here for a reason and are incredibly special people. But none of us are perfect.

01:34:48This world is so much better because of something you did today for somebody or for yourself. And never forget that. My therapist tells me, what part do you play in a result you don't want? And it centers everything around me and my decisions and how I'm showing up. And that's my final thought today. We're not therapists. We're nobody there. But we all have our own stuff. And I would love for you to figure out what yours is if you have it. And if you have, congratulations. Keep working every single day is another day to get better. So with that being said, thank you guys for listening. And I hope that you guys are being safe out there. Love you guys. Bye.