Stephen Faust

00:00Welcome to Nashville Restaurant Radio, the tastiest hour of talk in Music City. Now here's your host, Brandon Styll. Hello Music City and welcome to Nashville Restaurant Radio. My name is Brandon Styll and I am your host. We are powered by Gordon Food Service. Caroline is off one more week and then she will be back next week as we talk with Philip Kradjic from Rolf & Daughters and Folk. Very excited about this episode, wanted to do this for a really long time. Super excited to have Caroline back in studio, but today we are talking with Stephen Faust. Stephen is a chef and partner at McGuffin Catering and he works on movie sets and this is a fun conversation.

01:03Stephen is also a sober guy and he tells his story today. I want to talk about this episode a little bit before we get into it because there's a thing from people in this recovery community where there's a ridiculous amount of honesty that comes into play with who we are and how we talk. And I feel like there's a lot of truth that gets spoken today and I know some people out there won't want to hear this because, hey look, everybody's not in recovery. But if you're not in recovery and you hear this, this is an amazing insight into what goes through the mind of an addict and what goes, how people think. So everybody knows somebody who's in recovery. This is a great way to learn what they're going through, how they're going through it. And Stephen's a gay man, so it goes into some of his feelings when he was growing up and how he grew up. And it's a really, really fascinating story and I just love this guy.

02:05He's one of the most amazing people and I cannot wait to share this story. I get in, you know, as I do in these conversations and I share parts about my life. And if you want to learn more about my story, I told my story in January of 2022, I believe it was the very beginning of 2022. There's an episode called Hello, My Name is Brandon and I'm an Alcoholic. And I want to do these episodes because I want people to hear that it's okay to be sober. This is not like this terrible disease that nobody knows what to do with. There is a process. And if you're somebody who's out there who kind of feels this way but doesn't know what steps to take, we like to talk about it. We are not afraid to talk about what's going on in our lives. And I hope that if there's somebody, if there's one person out there who hears this and says, you know what, I need to make a change with my life and I'm going to do, I want to be better. I want to be well. I feel like I'm sick and I need to get better and this helps you, then that's what this episode is for.

03:09So there's a lot of personal stuff that's shared here and it's a good story. Everything about this is a great story and I hope that you enjoy hearing it. That is why we do these episodes. This industry is full of people who have mental health issues, alcoholics, drug addicts. It's everywhere. And I want people to know that that doesn't have to be their life. There's so much more. You can be happy and have fun and still have a social life and everything can be great. You can hear me. There's a really great podcast that's called Creative Sobriety. You can find Creative Sobriety on Instagram. Her name is Kristen Bear and she's awesome. She has interviewed me and my sister. So if you want to hear more about kind of what my sister's side, she's more of the sober curious person. She owns the bottle shop Killjoy over in the Wedgwood Houston area. And we kind of talked about our stories, but just kind of the different sides of sobriety. Like hey, look, I'm just tired of drinking. I'm tired of waking up hungover.

04:10I'm tired of not having enough money. It's a lifestyle. And my sister decided that that wasn't for her. And so she just stopped drinking. She read a bunch of books, did a bunch of research. So her story is different than mine. I was kind of sent into AA and the meetings and I didn't realize how much I needed it. So there's a duality there. And if you want to learn more about that, please feel free to go check out that podcast. And if you want to record your own podcast, we rent the studio out where we're at right now. We rent the studio out. Go check us out on Facebook at New Light Podcast Studios Nashville. And you can DM me whatever you want to do. But if you have an idea for a podcast that you like to make, we are happy to facilitate that here in our studio. So that's a lot of fun too. Prices are very, very, very reasonable. I've been told the best in the city. So that's a whole thing. And I want to talk today real quick about Matthew Clements. Matthew is over at Robins Insurance and restaurant owners.

05:12You guys know chefs know the importance of quality insurance in their business. I mean, if you're not insured, you go, you don't sleep well. And it's so important to have really good insurance for your business. And Matthew Clements does too. He is the primary hospitality focused insurance advisor at Robins Insurance. He came to Robins in 2019, eager to grow their hospitality portfolio. By leveraging his experience in the industry, he knew he could better advise his clients. And he has a personal affinity for food and beverage also. Not only a lover of exploring his clients menus, Matthew also loves smoking meats on his Traeger grill, sipping through a variety of whiskeys and bourbons. In fact, did you know that Matthew was the founder of the Nashville Whiskey Society and is a certified executive bourbon steward? I guess it's kind of like being a sommelier, but for bourbon instead. So he's knowledgeable about what you guys are doing. And he's been in the business and he eats out all the time. I've seen him in both of my restaurants all the time.

06:12He is amazing guy. But if you need to insure your business, any small business, especially restaurants, Matthew is the guy that you need to call. His number is 863-409-9372. You can also follow him on LinkedIn. He's on Instagram. He's on Facebook and also follow Robins Insurance. That's R-O-B-I-N-S insurance on Facebook, Instagram, everywhere you can. And we just want to say thank you for them for being amazing sponsors for the show. For now, we're going to jump in with Stephen Faust. Super excited today to welcome in Stephen Faust. Stephen is the executive chef and partner at McGuffin Catering and a friend of mine. Stephen, welcome to Nashville Restaurant Radio. Thank you, Brad. Good to be here. This is fun. Caroline's still out.

07:13She'll be back next week. But we have kind of started a friendship through the podcast. You learned about the podcast through Jamie Pruitt at a Ben's Friends meeting. And we've kind of connected. And after talking to you and having coffee, I was like, man, your story is amazing. I think you should come in and do a show with me. And so here we are. And I remember telling you this will be the most boring story that will put everybody to sleep too. Well, that's not going to happen. Everybody's going to love this story. So you, McGuffin Catering, let's talk about that. What is McGuffin Catering? McGuffin Catering, we service movie shoots. So film, movies, TV shows. And we have mobile kitchens and we go out to film sets and feed the cast and crew. So kind of like what Tom Morales does with Tom Cat's Catering, where you're actually on set making food for people. And now you're making food for the cameramen, actors, actresses, all those people, or is it?

08:17Everybody. Everybody. Cast, crew, producers, everybody on the crew. Now, Tom said on the podcast, he said, working on movie sets, that's the NFL of working in restaurants. And he essentially opened restaurants to train people to then move them to movie sets because it is unlike anything else in this industry. Is he, was he wrong with that? I've actually quoted him on that because it's such an amazing way to explain it. It's the hardest, yet most fulfilling, adrenaline rushing type of business ever. I mean, I was doing restaurants for a lot of years before I got into this. And I've been doing this now for 22 years. You've been doing McGuffin Catering for 22 years? I've been doing since 2020 with McGuffin Catering, 2019. And, but I've been doing it for different companies. And I didn't have a stake and was just pretty much an employee for all those years prior. What are you working on right now? I'm working on the Nicole Kidman movie here in town called Holland, Michigan.

09:21Holland, Michigan. It's a town in Michigan. And that's supposedly where this movie is set. So we were talking, how many people do you feed a day? On average, two, two, two fifty. That's a healthy amount of people. It is. And now you mentioned, I was talking to you last week and you said, it's been a hell week this week. You're feeding three thousand people a week. Yeah, last week was brutal. We were up in Clarksville and they were doing a big parade scene. So we had 600 background every day, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and then about 350 crew on top of that. So I want to walk through this because everybody who's listening, if you don't work in a restaurant, then this would be an interesting insight. Because if I work in a restaurant, I look at my reservations. I know what I'm looking at for the day. Our chefs know what they're looking at for the day. I come in and we staff appropriately. You open the doors. People come in. It's a regular menu. You just do it. Will you walk me through one of your days like last week?

10:23You got three thousand people. What do you have to do to prepare for that? Are you cooking in a kitchen? Are you in a mobile kitchen? Are you in a field? What are you doing? Because you don't have a restaurant in Clarksville that you work out of, do you? No, no. We took all the equipment up there, which is my mobile kitchen, which is I think food truck, but on steroids. And then I have another sport truck that has a full on walk-in in it. And, you know, a cargo van that we bring and I bring my portable barbecue, tow-long barbecue. And we took a bunch of equipment up there Sunday. For people who are not from the West Coast, a barbecue is a grill. Yeah. Okay, sorry. Just checking that out. Like I took barbecue up there. A barbecue is what people on the West Coast call a grill. Right. Anyway, it's a combination grill and smoker. Okay. So anyways, took that up, all that stuff up on Sunday. And we began work at 10 30 p.m.

11:23The night before. The night before. Okay. To, and then made the drive, prepped once we got there, set everything up. We had a, we were serving in two places. We had the background where we were setting up their food. And then the main crew, we served outside. We pop up canopies and set up chambers and for breakfast, we do olive bars. And, you know, it's a whole- Do you have running water? No. The truck has water itself. We bring at least 25, five gallon waters every day. This facility was different. We were at the new ice center up there, the ice arena up there. Okay. Well, that's cool. We did have facilities where we could access water and, you know, a small storage room. 25, five gallon containers of water is a lot of water to carry around with you. It is. Just physically to move 25, five gallon containers of water is a lot. It is. And then we also had water delivered there too. So we had shore power.

12:24I mean, they had power for us there. That's helpful. Yeah. It was, it was a nice little facility. It was just an hour away and pulling off this monumental task was required a lot of thought in a lot of meetings to accomplish this. And you do that every week to some degree in a different place you're shooting. That's the part I think that Tom was talking about that this is a different game. It's not just, oh, I'm showing up. I'm parking in my same parking spot. I'm walking the back door. It's the same walk-in. Like you're on a different location most of the time, right? Right. Tomorrow and Friday, we're in Spring Hill at a studio down there. And then Monday, we're in Mount Juliet. Tuesday, I think we're near Fisk University. And Wednesday, we're at Nashville Shores and then back in Spring Hill. So it location locations changed almost daily. So you're making a kitchen, prepping food. And what if it's like torrential downpour? We deal with it. Doesn't matter if it's cold, if it's hot, if it's whatever, you just deal with it.

13:28It's hard. Prior to this one, we were up in Cincinnati doing a Robert De Niro movie in the winter. Yeah, that's not fun. So it, that brings its own challenges dealing with frozen pipes. If that happens, having my crew work outside, we essentially work outside. How many people on a crew? It's me plus five, usually. And this is last week, we had 10 of us. Where do you get your food? I get it from Cisco. I get it from GFS, Creation Gardens, wherever. And in this case, I was having to make runs to Sam's Club and GFS up in Clarksville to pick up supplemental items. But I mean, Cisco really is the only one that chases me around. Really? I can tell them the day before, we're going to be here and they'll show up. Well, that's interesting. I didn't see that coming. Yeah. That's hard to do. It is. Yeah. Because I tell them less than 24 hours in advance, we're going to be in Nashville tomorrow.

14:33Tomorrow, the next day, we're going to be in Spring Hill. And they'll just get it to you. They'll get it to me. Wow. That's amazing. I'm just, I'm fascinated by this whole thing. What about the actor's night? You say you worked at De Niro. Do you get to meet De Niro? Do you get to hang it all? Is there anything you get to be in their orbit? What's that like? In a sense, yes. Almost all the time. COVID really changed everything and they're still under the COVID protocols until mid-May. What does the COVID protocol look like right now? They protect the people in Zone A, which are the actors, the people that are the makeup artists, the directors. People who are really close to each other. That are really close to set on set in them. And they're in Zone A. And so they have this little bubble and we're really not supposed to interact with them. So in the case with De Niro, they really kept him separated. We never had a chance to really meet him. Could wave from afar. Deborah Messing was also in that movie from Will and Grace.

15:37And I actually met her and was able to talk with her. This was a period piece where they used prosthetics. And they didn't want us taking any pictures. Which is unlike almost every show that I, I always take pictures with the actors. So who's the one that you've met that you've been like, that guy is just like so nice. Or the girl. I don't know, whoever you've met that you've just been like, wow, they were amazing. Brad Pitt is pretty awesome. Really? Very down to earth. Always would eat with the crew. Kathy Bates is the most amazing woman on the planet. No, I mean, she seems that way. They both seem that way. Is Brad Pitt a sober guy? I'm not sure. You know, we didn't have any conversations. Just like, hey, how you doing? Type of thing. I did Moneyball and then I did Benjamin Buttons. I referenced Moneyball way too much on the show. You've been listening to the show from like day one up until now.

16:37Where are you at so far? April 17th or. I just 21, 22. It was the first episode in of the Talking Ship podcast, which I think was in 2021. But I've also listened to every episode from now until. A year ago. Do you have a favorite? Boy, there are so many I could really relate to Tom Morales. That one a lot. I loved your hello. My name is Brandon because I can relate to that as well. And there's they're all good. Well, I think that's a good segue. Thank you, by the way. Thank you for that. That means a lot to me. It means a lot that you listen and you go back and you're engaging and hopefully you're learning things. I don't know. What do they call me? A fanboy or something? Is that the term? I don't know what the term is, but I think that you're all you're a sober guy. That's one of our things that we have in common is that we both are.

17:39Not drinking, not doing drugs, and. I wanted to bring people on the show that are sober also, because I like. Whether you're sober out there or not, I think there's a movement happening right now where people are like, hey, look, I don't necessarily need to ingest poison into my life. I don't I don't need to be somebody that I'm not or hey, look, do I drink too much? I don't know. But if I stop drinking that I'm not going to be able to have, I'm not going to have my friends anymore. I won't be able to go out and have fun. And I like to talk to people who are having fun in life, who are when you're fucking crushing it, you're out there doing so many amazing things. You're a husband, you're a father, you've got all these amazing things going on and you're sober like your life is good. Yeah, doesn't mean that life is always rainbows and unicorns and lollipops, but. But it's one hundred and fifty thousand percent better than when I was out there.

18:39Do you know how many people I've met through all of the time I've been sober who quit drinking and are like, I quit drinking and my life turned to shit? Not very many. Zero. I haven't met anybody yet. Everybody who quit drinking is like, no, man, it's like I have this new clarity in my life and I can I'm engaging in things and I remember things and I'm not my favorite thing when I quit drinking was when a cop would get behind me and I'd be like, I dare you to pull me over right now, like I have because there are so many times I was driving and like, please God, don't pull me over. And now I'm like, what? What are you going to do? Like I my speeding. OK, like that was like the I was so afraid I was going to get a DUI or they were going to go open your trunk. I want to see what's in your console or they're going to find the whatever in my car. And now I'm like, I got nothing to hide. It's kind of a cool thing. It is. I mean, it took a little while for me to stop looking over my shoulder when I would pass a police officer. It's a thing. Yeah. So there's definitely some some benefits to it.

19:41But I wanted to I want to ask you to come in today because I really want to hear kind of your story. I think sharing what you were like, then what happened? You know, I'm a big rock bottom guy. So like, what was the turning point in your life that made you go? I got to get my shit together. So you've been so let's get back to like your childhood. Like, where'd you grow up? What's your what you tell your story? Well, I grew up in Orange County, California. That's a common theme here. Yeah. Right here with you. It is the youngest of three boys. And, you know, I had a good very good upbringing. My dad was a cop. My mom eventually became one. She would stay at home for quite a while. And then when it was time to go back to work, when I went into school, you know, she she joined the police force. That's cool. Grew up with. In all sense, we're used to be called the Cleaver household. OK.

20:42You know, everything was great with Warden June, which, you know, I'm on that Dick and Linda. But my mom is Linda, too. Yeah. And everything was good. From the outside, every every family has problems. But, you know, we we really were raised right and had really good values. And I was just one that later on in high school, I just chose to turn left instead of going right. I kind of did a similar thing in high school. I got to high school and I was like, hey, I don't I never liked school. School was just this thing. I hated authority. I just didn't want to do what everybody else did. I wanted to just if it was right, I wanted to be left. If it was black, I wanted to be white. If it was red, I wanted to be blue. And I found the people that felt the same way I did. Yeah. I sought them out. I was very uncomfortable in my own skin for for a lot of those years. And I didn't know why until later. You say you're uncomfortable in your high school years?

21:45Mm hmm. Yeah. OK. Until later. When was later? Well, I'm gay and they pull the bandaid off. What do we got? Yeah. And and I just didn't want to face that. I didn't know anybody who who was like me within a completely different world back then. How old are you? I'm 54. You're 54. I'm 44. I mean, 10 years before me, I mean, versus where we are today, it was a different world. It was when you came out in high school. It was it was frowned upon. I mean, there was is that when America was great? Maybe so. Is that when is that what we're trying to get back in years? I don't know. Like, what is this? Yeah. OK, so you're uncomfortable in high school. You didn't did you know you were gay in high school? I didn't know what the feelings I was feeling were because I didn't know anybody who was gay. Yeah. Well, that was out. Yeah. You probably knew people that are gay that were probably feeling the same way you were, but they weren't going to talk about it. After high school was like, oh, yeah, that guy totally makes sense.

22:47Yeah. You know, but it was just even though I had girlfriends and was trying to fit into life, I just I found once I discovered drinking that I felt comfortable. Didn't mean I had started dating men at that point, but I just all that relief, that tension, that pressure that I internal pressure that I felt Did you feel did you feel shame at all? I did part of it. I mean, yes, I felt I just one of my things once I got so was I just how much shame did I feel for a middle child? And I think that I realized that, oh, I was drinking a lot because I was trying to mask a lot of the shame I was feeling for not being good enough or whatever it was in any part of my life. Yeah, I just I felt my the feelings I had deep down in me weren't right. And they were wrong.

23:48And according to who? You know what I mean? Like, but just in your own head. Yeah. Yeah. So I got relief from that when I would pick up a drink. Yeah. And boy, did it work until until I mean, I didn't. Yeah, until it didn't. I ended up being so uncomfortable here or in Southern California that I said, I'm going to move because if I move, I'm going to stop doing I'm going to stop drinking. I'm going to stop doing drugs and I'm going to be better. So a buddy of mine moved to Sun Valley, Idaho, and I said, I got nothing to lose. Let me just pack my stuff and go. So I did. And it took me about four or five days to find the same people who like to do what I like to do. It's this mental springboard. We have this idea. If I just change everything around my surroundings, then my natural tendencies will stop. Yeah. We call it taking a geographic and recovery. Okay.

24:48That's what it's called. Taking a geographic. I didn't even know that. Yeah. If I just move me, everything is going to change. And that didn't work. Didn't work. And I hear people saying that a lot. Well, I'll just I'm going to move to this place and then I won't be in this room. I have triggers or this and this, but they're not addressing the real issue. No. So you moved to Sun Valley, Idaho. You ski in and was that, is that a place where you ski in? Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was America's first ski resort. Really? Ever. Yeah. So I think it was in the 20s or 30s. It came to fruition back then. But at the time, my very first job, I should back up. My very first job was a Del Taco. So I know you know that. I know Del Taco. Sure. It's a better Taco Bell. And debatable, but yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so I would go from restaurants, then I'd do something else. Restaurants do something else. You know, always thinking that this is just a temporary job type thing. And then I was delivering beer and wine in Southern California.

25:50I made the move and I'm going to change my life. So what I do, I get a job for the Miller distributor in Idaho. So I'm back doing the same thing I do during the day at night. I'd go work in a restaurant. So I did that a lot for many, many years until I got sober. So there's that big gap right there. You just glossed over a big gap. And listen, I want you to be as comfortable as you want to be. I don't know. Between that gap, what happened that propelled you to... We're not going into details, but what's the major event that caused you to go, oh, shit, I need to make real life changes? Well, I decided... Was it on your own? It was not my choice, but I decided I was going to become a recreational pharmaceuticalist. Got it. It's one way to get my drug of choice, which is alcohol, but my other drug of choice, free.

26:55So I just started dabbling and selling to friends. And then that escalated and it became a little bit of a business. And then I got caught. As usually happens. Yeah. And so when I... My motivating factor was hearing the cell door slam shut. So you went to jail. I went to jail. What was jail like? It was not fun. I don't know. Was it like the movies? Because I have been to jail overnight before, one night. I mean, knock on wood, I've been really fortunate to not do that, but how long were you in jail? I was in there for six months. Six months in... Is that prison or is that jail? They put me into a minimum security prison that had a drug, an alcohol deferment program. So basically I went through rehab while I was there. And if somebody had other issues, they tried to rehabilitate them in that facility as well. And it really rocked my world.

27:59Oh, yeah. I mean, to see the look of disappointment on my parents' face. Who are police officers. Right. My brother's face, both of them. My oldest brother was a police officer. To see that was heartbreaking. It really was. I remember the day I had to check myself into the county jail, which then drove me up to the state prison, was my dad's retirement party from the police force. I miss that. So even though it was a celebratory day for him, I realize now that in the back of his mind, in the front of his mind, he probably wasn't having the best day ever because of me. So you go to jail. They put you into a rehab program at jail.

28:59What was that experience like? Because I know my own personal experience with AA and different things, it's very positive and very helpful. Is that what it's like when you're in jail or is it an angry thing? You have to do this and were you fighting it? I wasn't fighting it. I didn't want to admit that I was an alcoholic. I really didn't. I could say, yeah, well, drugs got me in trouble. But it's not alcohol. I didn't realize I never did any of that until I drank. Interesting. It was definitely a... They forced it on us in a sense, but they were still compassionate. Okay, well, that's good. If you don't get this, you're going to be locked away for a long time. So we suggest that you get this. And I'm a pretty smart guy. And I realized I can do the math. And if I was going to be spending a lot of time, many years in prison, or if I can make the best out of this six months, it's good math.

30:11When did you come to acceptance? Probably a month into being sober. A month, and was there a moment, like what was it that made you kind of go, okay, I'm an alcoholic. This is who I am and I'm going to go forward with this. I related to, because they'd bring in outside speakers, and I related to a speaker who had a very similar story to me. And it just rang true. And it's like, ah, okay. Alcohol leads me down this path. And that is my problem. Yeah, well, there's a correlation when you start looking at all of the things in your life that are difficult and hard, and they all tend to circle around one thing. And so you decided, you were in there a month, it was just the first month you were in. So you're in there six months, the first month you're in, you do this. And then you got five more months in prison.

31:12What was the rest of your, or in jail, what was the rest of your time like there? What was it? Well, there's a boot camp style facility where we had to march, we had to say, sir, yes, sir. I mean, it was very military driven. And I actually, because I scored well on my intelligence test, I guess, for them, I actually was teaching US government to people who needed to get their GED. Really? Yeah. So I spent some time doing that. And then it was towards the latter half that I actually began the rehab facility process. And I did two months in that. Helpful? Extremely. Extremely. Really made me realize why I drank. And why did you drink? I always felt that my dad didn't like me enough. I always felt that I wasn't as good enough as my brothers. Um, my brothers were excelled at sports.

32:14I didn't. And I felt less than, you know, I was definitely a mama's boy and would hang out with my mom more and help cook in the kitchen. And, you know, just, I was not that manly man. I'm, I wasn't there. And I came to find out later that I just didn't want to fail in compared to my brothers. My dad always wanted to play ball with me. He wanted to do all those things. It was me and my insecurities that prevented me from doing it. Wow. That is similar. You know, I have an older brother who was six, eight, you know, 300 pounds. He's a big dude, but he's two and a half years older than me. And he was always bigger, faster, stronger. And I had grandparents on my dad's side that would always tell me, why aren't you as good as him? Why can't you throw the ball as fast? And why can't you run as fast? Why can't you? We live in California. So why don't you go ride the big waves? You go to Newport and 52nd street and there's the jetties.

33:17And there would be some nice sets that would come in and I'd be like, I don't want to go out there. And it's like, well, I'm six, you know, he's almost nine, but we would go, they would drop us off the beach in the morning and pick us up later that day. And my grandparents going just like, you're not, you can't, you're not. So I was told. They couldn't understand why you wouldn't surf the wedge. Yeah, exactly. Like, why, why aren't you, we would love going to the wedge. But like, there was a thing. It was like, but I was told that I was told, why aren't you as good as him? Like, why can't you do this? And then I had a younger sister who was always the baby. I mean, my sister is amazing in every way. And I really more identify with her, but I was never, I was never the baby. I was never, I wasn't a female and I wasn't, she had this whole thing going on for her. And then I wasn't the first grandson, the first, the oldest child. I wasn't the golden child. I was this like disappointment. And that was just like, that's the way that I felt whether it was true or not. That's the way I felt. And I feel, and I didn't, I didn't fully realize that until after I quit drinking.

34:19That's painful therapy. And I was like, wow, that's, that's, that's intense. Like there was a lot of that. And through being sober, I've realized like, none of that shit matters. Not really. Like none of it matters. But I never addressed it. I never stopped and went, why am I feeling this way? I never addressed it because I would just drink. And I've realized that's why I was drinking. A lot of people get sober or stop drinking and they don't go through 12 steps or, or even therapy to discover what is wrong. I had the advantage of doing both. Yeah. So that's something you would recommend to somebody. If you're out there right now listening to this and you're like, like you said, you identified with the guy that spoke at your, at the jail. And you're like, Hey, look, I kind of, I feel like that's me too. If somebody's listening to this right now, what are, what are you think? Why is that important to do the 12 steps or to do go see a therapist?

35:20It's called uncovering, discovering and discarding. So it's figuring out what made me tick. And why, and then getting rid of all the bullshit in my brain that I think is an obstacle. So if I don't get rid of my deepest dark at sea, the deepest darker secrets. And resentment and resentments and all those things that you people hold on to these resentments forever. That is what's going to make me drink again. I, I, I, I have gotten rid of every excuse to drink in my life. Just by being open and honest and sharing and caring and giving. And so there's really no excuse for me to ever drink again. There's a, uh, there's on when you, when you go and you get sober, if you go the route I went where you go to like AA, you get a chip and in that chip, it says something on there. What does it say? Do that. I own self be true to their own self be true.

36:22To their own self be true. I think that's that in an, in essence is everything in a nutshell. Like you have to be brutally honest with yourself. You can't, you can't hide stuff. And you stopped hiding stuff. Stopped hiding it. I guessed it. I kept, I kept it hidden for a while in sobriety. My last deepest dark at sea, darkest secret. That and you have to say what that is. Yeah. I mean, if you're willing to that came out, I came out. You came out. So you came out after jail, after jail in sobriety. It was about eight years sober. And he is going to tell us the rest of this story right after these words from our sponsors. What chefs want story is incredibly unique. The owner Ron Trenier met with a bunch of chefs in Louisville back in the early 2000s and asked them one simple question. What do you want? And the chefs, they responded emphatically. We want deliveries on Sunday. We want to be able to split any item that you sell.

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40:29Find her on Instagram at MorgageAmanda. You came out. So you came out after jail? After jail, in sobriety. I was about eight years sober and I had mentioned to a sponsor of mine that, listen, we're doing a fourth, I did a fourth step with a sponsor and during that came out that I'm attracted to men. And he said, well, that's all cool. I mean, it's just as long as you don't hurt anybody along the way. I was in a relationship. I was actually married to a lady and he said, if you want to explore those feelings, just make sure you don't hurt her in the process. And I was able to do that and we were able to get divorced. And then I began my life as a gay man. How freeing was that?

41:30Unbelievable. That was the final thing that you were hanging on to that was the hardest thing? It was, because it was the removing of the, I'm less than, I'm not normal. I'm doing things wrong. I'm just a piece of shit. Why would you think that way? Why would you think that way? Is it just a stigma about being gay or is it all in your head or is that society? What is it that made you think that? It's all of the above. And the fact that I didn't really know anybody. But once I started working in the movie industry, that's when I started noticing gay people. And people were just like, oh, yeah, there's Johnny and he's gay. Oh, well, big deal. It's not an issue in this work. And so that gave me the courage to really set myself free. Well, that's kind of one of my goals.

42:31I hope people hear this and they go if they're having any similar, I just, I want to share these kinds of stories. Thank you for that, by the way. Thank you for everything you just now said. I know this isn't easy to go onto a podcast that's put out into the world and talk about how you kind of became who you are in this journey through all of it. But I think it's important if there's somebody out there who feels the same way and they're like, I just don't know. After you finally did that last part, what was your life like after that? Gosh, so, so happy. So fulfilling. I mean, when I told my mom and dad, I mean, they were incredibly supportive. They're like, hmm, no big deal. I think a mom already knew. My mom knew. She knew she because she said, oh, I'm not surprised. And the funny thing is, she said, I'm not surprised because you're a chef. And it's like, okay, what type of stigma is that?

43:32But anyways, then she looked at my dad and said, are you surprised? He said, I guess not. You know, of course, in Florida. But they never looked back, never looked down and always were 100% supportive of me. Do you think we put too much emphasis on what we think our parents think of us? Yes. I mean, I love my mom and dad, like with everything. But I think when I got sober, I realized that I'm doing a lot of things because I want to impress them or I want them to feel this way about me. And I think I've finally got to a point where I'm like, I love you, but I have my own life that I have to live. And if you're going to love me, you're going to love me for whatever I am. I'm not going to change who I am so that you think a certain way about me. Like, I've got to live my life. I've got to be me and this is who I am. You can leave it or love it. Yeah. I think my parents never wanted to mold me into a certain human being.

44:32And the fact that I was able to make amends to them for all the crappy things I did to them growing up really meant the world to me. I mean, they were just like, you were confused. You were upset. We get it. And we were able to move on. I mean, it was more in depth than that. Sure. But it was again, one of the most amazing amends that I made. Wow, that's powerful. And that amends process. I think that scares a lot of people. It is scary to go up to somebody and say, hey, you know, I was a really shitty employee when I worked for you. And I just want to let you know, I'm not that person today. And I really regret my time working for you. And I've learned how to not do that again. I think I have past employers listening to this right now going, I haven't got that fucking phone call yet.

45:33Brandon hasn't done his eighth step yet. Yeah. One thing with my amends, I've never said the words, I'm sorry. Really? Because think about it. Oh, God, I'm sorry. I'm late for work. God, you know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's such a easy thing to say without real meaning. But me saying, I feel tremendous regret having stolen from you as an employee. And I want to make it right. And I want you to know I'm taking the steps. So I'm not that I'm not going to be that person again. I think that's a that's a there's some stuff in there. I'm just to generalize and to talk about when people hear the steps, I think we go through the steps and it's crystal clear to you and I what that means. But to somebody who talks about amends like, well, I have to go and pay them back. There's a side of this thing that we all live with every day.

46:34These regrets, these things that we've done that we feel like we can't get out of. Like I did that and I have to own that to wear this scarlet letter. And I have to feel ashamed about that forever. But when you identify what those things are, those regrets that you have, these these feelings that make you feel like shit, that make you feel like shame. And you call that person and you meet them in person and say, hey, look, I was a terrible person back then. And I did these things that were that were not good. And I stole from you. And I want to tell you how much regret I feel for that. And I want to make reparations for that. When you get that out and you say those things to that person, and they look at you and they go, it's OK, it's OK. All that feeling of shame and what if somebody finds out and this is going to be the worst thing and that's all shit that's just in your head. There's all these voices in your head that tell you those things. And going through these steps make you sit down and go, I'm going to face them head on. Absolutely. When I would think of a past employer and that I had made amends to if I'd be like, oh, man, I shouldn't have done that.

47:38Hey, wait, I already made amends. And there we're good. We're good. So there goes that shame and guilt for it. It will always probably be there a little bit, just that little bit of regret. But I don't have to drink over it because I've done the work and moved on. I was watching it as scrolling on TikTok as I like to do late at night when I'm laying in bed to go to sleep. And there's a guy, you know, kind of like we're talking right now, but he goes, have you heard the story of the buffalo and the cow? Have you seen this TikTok yet? No. He says, if there's a storm coming, cows can sense it and they run away from the storm. They just run away from it. Buffaloes sense it and they run to the storm. So while a cow is running away from the storm, the storm catches up to them. And then they're running with the storm. So they're caught in the storm longer overall. Whereas the buffalo will run directly to it. And as they hit the storm, they go through the storm faster.

48:41And the faster they go through the storm, then they're able to reap the benefits of the storm, which is water and nourishment for plants and grass that's going to grow. And they go into it and then they get out of it. And they see the benefits of going into the storm versus running away from it. Then sitting in the storm longer. And I thought that was really interesting kind of a metaphor for kind of what we're talking about. 100%. I love that. Like you got to just crucial conversations, rip the bandaid off, go and address the things that you're afraid to address. It's never worse than you think it is. It's being uncomfortable to be more comfortable later. Yeah, getting outside of that comfort zone. I'm not going to go into my diatribes about that because I do that every week anyway. So now you come out, you come out of the closet, you're there and now you've met somebody. You're now remarried. Yes. And how long have you been in a relationship now? We got together in 2008, so almost 15 years.

49:48Wow. Almost 15 years. 15 years. And we got married in 2014 and in 2015 we had twins. Wow. Boy, girl. So you have twins in 2015? Yep. So there are eight? Just about, almost. What's it like being a dad? Just amazing. It's the most challenging, most rewarding, frustrating thing ever. And for a guy who never thought I would have children, it's been the biggest gift ever. I mean, if I talk more about it, I'll get emotional, but kids are God's gift. They really are. I have a kid turned eight yesterday. Yeah. And just be in the Mexican restaurant and the guy's singing happy birthday to him in his little face and they lose a tooth or some little conversations you get to have. They're so innocent and just, I don't know, they're amazing. Yeah. When I can, and mine are at such a great age right now where they worship us with my husband, with my husband Danny and I.

50:54They were just, we're like gods to them. And for them to come to my food truck, they get so excited to come to the, to the mobile kitchen and, and, oh, can we go to the truck? Can we help you with this? And they sit in the driver's seat and they pretend like they're driving. And if I need to run the Costco to pick up something up or whatever store, they're happy to join me. What advice would you have for somebody who might be out there right now? Who's in a, I don't know if I drink too much. I don't know where I'm at, but they've gotten into some trouble or they don't know if they're gay or not or whatever it is. Like, do you have any words of wisdom? I can only share my experience. What worked for me was to walk into a place of uncomfortableness and be willing to change and seek that change if I want something different.

52:01Cause I, I had to walk myself to the jail and I had to do that. And yes, it was forced on me in a sense, but I could have grabbed my passport and left the country if I wanted to. And that thought went through my mind. I figured, I'm not happy the way I am now. Why don't I try something new? And it's worked for me for, since 1996. Wow. So you start in 1996. Let me do my math here. That was before cell phones, in case you were wondering. Let me do my math here. That was before cell phones, in case you were wondering. So 96, 2006, 2016 plus eight, 28 years? 26. 20. How did my math not work on that? It'll be 27 later this year. That is, that's right. I was wrong. Yeah. Yeah. I was thinking 25. Yeah. Yeah. 26. That's a long time, man. It is. And a lot has changed for me.

53:04The only thing constant has been changed in my life. I've married, divorced, remarried, came out of the closet. Both parents have died. Dogs have died. Grandparents have died. All in sobriety. Been hired, been fired. And I've never felt the need to take a drink because I got comfortable with who I am. That's some powerful words there, man. Yeah. It's amazing. Thank you for sharing all of that. My pleasure. That was one of my favorite episodes I think we've ever done here. I think here in that story, I think there's some real vulnerability you've displayed today and some courage. And I'm so glad to know you. I really am. I think that you're a special person. And I just thank you so much for coming in today to do this. We have a final thought.

54:06You know, we do the final thought on the show. Have you thought about this at all? What you would say? I thought about it. But then, you know, I also said a prayer before I walked in here and just said, let me speak through God's will in my life. And my favorite thing I think that you said so far when I said, do you have advice? You said I can only share what worked for me. I think that's the that there's so much wisdom in those words versus let me tell you what you should do. I think people should all over people. I think you say, let me tell you what worked for me. I think that's the most powerful thing in the world when it comes to everything. And I just I'd love that you phrase that. And I wanted to say that I think that's amazing. So Gordon Food Service, final thought. You get to take us out. Whatever you want to say, as long as you want to say it. I was yours. I think in today's climate here, there's been a lot of intolerance and not a lot of love lately that I'm I'm experiencing.

55:16I live my life with love and service and gratitude. And I just don't care what anybody else does in their life. So I think the only thing I like to say is just be kind, be loving, be tolerant. And you never know who's going to need help out there. So I keep an open mind and look for those people and try and help them. And at the same time, I keep my side of the street clean. So I guess that's it. I don't feel like it's very moving or anything, but that's just I wish I wish things were different here in Tennessee right now. I don't think you're alone with that. You're not alone in this room with that comment.

56:18You know, I heard I heard a speaker one time say you never know what anybody else is going through. And just smiling at somebody who's on the verge of suicide. You know, they go, you're the grocery store and somebody's right there. You have no idea what people are going through. Just smiling at somebody or saying hi could change somebody's life. From them thinking everybody in the world hates me. This world is terrible. Maybe they're in this place where they don't know who they are, what they are. And they they just it's easier just to end it just a smile to somebody. Flipping somebody off in a car for driving. Like I'm reading a book right now called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. I don't know if anybody else has read that out there, but he says you only have so many fucks to give and give a fuck about important shit. Give a fuck about your kids. Give a fuck about your wife. Give a fuck about your husband. Give a fuck about the shit that matters. Somebody cutting you off in traffic. It's not a big deal.

57:19Why do you give a fuck about that? What somebody does in their own bedroom? Why do you? What somebody wears? What somebody like none of that shit. Like it's not important. Like give a fuck about important things. And being kind I think is a message that that is something you do need to give a fuck about. Be kind to people. And I love that. It's a great final thought. Stephen Faust. Thanks for joining us on National Restaurant Radio. Thanks for having me. Thank you again to Stephen Faust for joining us here on the show. If you are in the hospitality industry and any of this landed for you, there is a really cool meeting called Ben's Friends and it meets every single Monday at 11 o'clock at the Oak Steakhouse. It's anonymous. You can come in and we'd love to meet you, love to help you in any way. It's not AA, but it's a similar kind of a format, but it's for people in the restaurant hospitality industry.

58:19We would love for you to come join. It's free. Just Valley Park at the Westin Hotel. It's at the bottom of the Westin Hotel downtown and they'll validate your ticket. So it's free parking and we'd love for you to come. If you're going through any kind of a crisis right now or if you're a leader in a building and you know anybody in crisis, The Giving Kitchen is there to help. The Giving Kitchen is a nonprofit and they're here in Nashville. TheGivingKitchen.org is how you're going to find them. But this is for if you need to go to rehab and you're afraid that I can't pay my mortgage while I'm gone for 30 days, they'll cover your living expenses while you go to rehab. If you've had an accident, if anything's going on, you've been diagnosed with cancer and you've got to do treatment and you don't know what you're going to do, they are here to help you. The Giving Kitchen. So if you're a leader of a restaurant and you have employees that are going through some stuff, check them out. May is Mental Health Awareness Month and we're doing everything we can to let everybody know The Giving Kitchen is here to help.

59:19There's other nonprofits out there. There's CORE, Children of Restaurant Employees, as well as Big Table. Go check them out. They're all here to help restaurant workers and it's all very near and dear to my heart. They're all doing amazing, amazing things. Thank you so much for joining us today. This is a fun episode. Cannot wait to come back. Probably going to be putting out an episode this Friday. Brandon's Book Club. We're talking about Alchemy by Rory Sutherland and then we're going to be announcing our next book. We kind of did this episode quietly. We had some marketing folks in town and my brother's going to be on this episode. So it's going to be a lot of fun and we'd love to have you join us. So thank you for listening today and we hope that you are being safe out there. Love you guys. Bye-bye.