Brandon Styll sits down with Kate Madry, an actor, comedian, and host of the Clearheaded Podcast, to talk openly about her journey to sobriety. While Brandon came to sobriety through a hard rock bottom, Kate represents what she calls raising the bar, choosing to step away from...
Brandon Styll sits down with Kate Madry, an actor, comedian, and host of the Clearheaded Podcast, to talk openly about her journey to sobriety. While Brandon came to sobriety through a hard rock bottom, Kate represents what she calls raising the bar, choosing to step away from alcohol before a catastrophic event forced her hand. She shares how the pandemic, a new relationship, and a Thanksgiving blowup with her partner Sarah's family pushed her to evaluate the role alcohol was playing in her life.
Kate and Brandon dig into the emotional realities of early sobriety, including the anger, anxiety, and unfamiliar feelings that surface when the numbing stops. They talk about shame versus guilt, the difference between relationships built on booze and relationships built on love, and the importance of self-kindness as the engine of real change. Kate also offers practical perspective on quit lit, alcohol's lack of regulation, and the tools she has picked up and set down throughout her journey.
The conversation lands in a place that should resonate with anyone in the Nashville hospitality community, where post-shift drinking is the norm. Both hosts encourage listeners who feel they might be drinking too much to know they are not alone, that sobriety is unique to each person, and that they don't need to hit a rock bottom to make a change.
"You're not getting sober to get numb, you can drink for that. You're getting sober to lean into those feelings and experiment and label and plant something that's going to grow a lot bigger than just a pot of dirty water that you splash on everybody you encounter."
Kate Madry, 36:50
"Shame doesn't breed evolution, kindness does. So if you ever want to grow you can't shame yourself."
Kate Madry, 37:46
"Saying no to other people is saying yes to yourself."
Kate Madry, 01:09:00
"If you are feeling like maybe there are some ingredients in your life that are really good, don't let them expire. Take stock of the things that are working for you and don't be afraid to clear off the shelf to make room for more, better, fresher ingredients in your life, in your relationships, and in your relationship with alcohol, even if that means a breakup. You can do it."
Kate Madry, 01:19:13
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01:08Did you know the number one cause of methane or greenhouse gases in landfills is your food waste? Restaurants waste so much food. All the food people don't eat, all of the scraps that come from all of your prep, it all gets put in a dumpster and then gets buried in a landfill and as it decomposes creates methane gas. Well thank God Jeffrey Ezell and his brother Clay have come up with the compost company. You can now compost your food waste. They take it to their farm, they create organic soil out of it. They then sell that to Whole Foods as well as local farmers and landscapers. So it's literally coming full circle in your community. If you're a restaurant owner or manager, you need to be calling Jeffrey Ezell at 615-866-8152 and they will set you up with the green bags and the green trash cans that they will come empty twice a week. If you work in a restaurant and you would love to have this option instead of putting food into a trash can, you can start composting. Tell your manager to call Jeffrey Ezell. That's 615-866-8152 or follow him at The Compost Company on Instagram.
02:16Welcome to Nashville Restaurant Radio, the tastiest hour of talk in Music City. Now here's your host, Brandon Styll. Welcome to Nashville Restaurant Radio. We are powered by Gordon Food Service. My name is Brandon Styll and I am your host. Here we go Monday. We are excited today to be talking with a new friend. Her name is Kate Maddrey. She's an actor and she is a comedian and she is a podcaster and her show is called the Clear Headed Podcast. She has a website ClearHeaded.co and she's amazing. She was really, she's just an awesome person and I'm so excited to share this but I will tell you I'm scared to share this because I've had this interview for a couple weeks. We did this like two weeks ago and you know it's no secret that I'm a sober guy. I talk about it. I don't want to be the guy that's like that that's all he does is talk about it and I'm cognizant of that that hey look people drink and it's okay they don't have the same thing that I do right I you know like to drink too much but when I'm you know there's there's something about sobriety and you get these little chips and on the chips it says to thine own self be true right so there's this ridiculous level of honesty that you have to have with yourself and when you talk to other people who've had to accept this this brutal honesty there's some real and I don't want to say like over sharing but there's some real vulnerability that happens and you you you sometimes forget how vulnerable you get because you you talk about yourself and you talk about yourself in
04:18such a deep way with people who are also experiencing the same thing so when I do podcast interviews like this which are so amazing I love them with all of my fiber there's a lot that I put out there there's a lot that I put out there with Kate and what she puts out there and I you know I'm hesitant because I find my self laying in bed going do I need to put this out do I need to do I need to make a podcast about this like there's a little bit of fear and you lay in bed and you go why am I doing that do I need to share this stuff this is pretty personal and I think that the answer is yes I think the answer is yes you need to share it I know that people will hear this and they'll go wow man that was great and I appreciate you sharing that it's not it's it's scary it really is scary I mean when you put this stuff out there because like I mean this is my heart this is this is this is it and it's like damn you know I don't know it's just it's just a thing so I'm gonna put it out there today we're gonna do this episode today it's gonna be a lot of fun and I hope that you enjoy it I hope that you listen to this and are able to be objective about our conversation and if you are somebody out there who you know feels like you drink too much or whatever it is it's okay like it's okay we don't put this stuff out there to make you feel like an alcoholic and you don't even have to label yourself that way I put a post out on Facebook and LinkedIn a couple weeks ago that said hey I had a thousand days thousand days without a drink which is a little incredible to me just because I know me and I'm like holy shit how did I do it but it doesn't matter if you have a thousand days or ten hours whatever it is you know the goal here is that you are able to be the most authentic you and if you have trouble if you have past issues if you have things that you're holding on to you don't have to you don't have to and there's a group of people out there that want to help you and it's a it's a pretty healthy
06:21community of people and I want to de-stigmatize the conversation around it there's nothing wrong with it there's nothing wrong with not drinking it's okay and if you have any problems I'm always here so please feel free to DM me message me and say hey dude I want to ask you more about that and I will tell you I've probably had 10 to 15 people do just that over the past year I put out an episode on January the second called hello my name is Brandon and I'm an alcoholic I invite you to go listen to it it's one of our it's one of the top five listen to episodes out there which is scary as hell to me but hopefully you know people have heard it and they've said dude I want to I want to try this or I think I might have a problem or you know I'm too far gone you know I think that's the thing that people are afraid about they feel like I've done too many things there's no way I can come back and it's like you can you totally can you absolutely can and I'm rooting for you as there's any way in which I can help I'm totally down to do it so we're gonna put this episode out and I'm excited to do it and I want to tell you before I do that about justice industries are you with justice industries because I've been talking about it now for a couple weeks and justice industries is so cool what they do is they take people who really are unemployable or have had really problems you know if you have a felony or it's just something it's just a tough work climate for you they will hire you and they have companies that they will hire you to run so one of their companies is called just dot glass and you go to justice industries dot org you go to their website I implore each of you to go check this out and what they do is they will come to your restaurant they'll pick up all of your glass recycling and I think you just put it in a separate container and they'll come pick it up and it is helping give jobs to people who need jobs and it's helping with our environment it's all a bunch of really really good things and as restaurant tours we go through so much waste so much waste you heard earlier on the opening from the compost company there another company that food
08:23waste and just waste like let's let's do our part people let's do our part and let's let's recycle this stuff and let's make organic compost it's all just fantastic I love sharing about these so if you're somebody who works in a restaurant and you want to do this tell your manager about it and if you own a restaurant or you you know or somebody who has a decision-making ability go to justice industries dot org and then click on the just dot glass you can sign up for them to come pick it up all of your glass right there online it's super inexpensive and it's something that definitely helps the environment I really recommend that you do this and happy to have them be a sponsor of the show so let's get into this guys a Kate Madri thank you for listening I really appreciate you and have a wonderful wonderful week super excited today to welcome in Kate Madri she is an actress she is a comedian she is a podcaster she's a fellow sober person how are you I'm good I was just we were talking about this when I'm hot which I feel like everybody is right now oh we got the middle of the summer are we at the middle are we nearing the end I think these are called the dog days yeah well I feel it yeah I'm breathing breathing heavy like a dog for sure what's in LA though I am in LA and I'm a fellow I guess Nashville girl I grew up in Brentwood I was born in Los Angeles but my parents uprooted and moved where do they so that how old were you when they moved from LA I was six and now were you in LA or you like Orange County are you no I was in Montrose California which is by Pasadena and Glendale okay so like LA like LA cuz I was born in Laguna okay
10:25yes mission Viejo yes my aunt and uncle live there and then I moved to Nashville when I was nine but I'm old so I've been in Nashville for a really long time so you never moved back out of Nashville you sit you went there and you stayed I stayed there I've been here 34 years and I did go back and go to high school in California for two years and I lived in Mississippi for a couple years just to run a restaurant there but I mean I've but from those I come to I go to California all the time my family moved out to Riverside now okay yeah yeah okay I mean yeah I feel like Nashville has become a main destination in the u.s. like it's LA New York Atlanta Nashville I feel right it's a big especially if you're like in the bachelor franchise it's very very big very very big isn't Nashville like the number one bachelorette tourist place to go for like a bachelorette party or something it is number one for bachelorette parties I mean I get it you can do that little pedal bar thing around Broadway and and see all of the fun bars and I and I did that and I like had that life in Nashville because I moved back to Los Angeles three weeks out of high school so I graduated in Nashville where'd you go to school LA I went to Ravenwood okay and shout out to the Raptors and then I'd come back you know as as kids do when they first leave the house if they're fortunate enough to have the means to travel often I came back I came back for Thanksgiving and I'd come back for you know mental breakdowns from time to time being like this is so different what is happening but what I always you know looking back I always would like party when I came back home and there was this there was this heavy cloud that I had like developed around coming back home because I believe with so much anxiety and so as the years went
12:28on and the home visits became less and less frequent and I had to evaluate why I didn't want to go home anymore I started to realize that it was because when I went home I I would drink and I would party and I'd hit Broadway and I'd wake up and I'd feel awful or I'd see friends from high school and I'd be a complete wreck because I don't moderate it's not something that I am I'm capable of with alcohol yeah and so I'd make these choices that I didn't feel good with and then I wouldn't want to go back because I'd be kind of ashamed yeah yeah like a shame like I did that and people are gonna that's the way they remember me totally and if I just don't go back there then I won't have to face it exactly or you do kind of the dance with the devil where you're like well if I okay well it's been all right I haven't seen them since last Christmas I need to go out with them because you know I need to prove that I'm not that sloppy so yeah I'm gonna hit Broadway again and I'm gonna make up for that last time and it would be worse and it would go right back to that pendulum swing of like you can't hold it girl it just isn't good and then I had this whole other life in California where I spent most of my time and California and Nashville are different in the way of the hustle meaning Nashville there is hustle there is a ton of hustle people work really hard but the pace at which you're expected to hustle at is a bit different than in LA just like LA's hustle pace is probably very different from New York there it's just an energetic and the cost of living is much higher in LA and I was choosing to pursue my dream which is a career in the entertainment industry and that is a whole different kind of hustle mentality so I was trying to pay my bills I was trying to audition I was trying to have a social
14:30life I was trying to figure out who I was all while pretty much drunk and I did it for for so long because I I didn't know a different way like I didn't know another option I think a lot of people are there I think a lot of people do that a lot because our society like it's it's totally normal like we've normalized doing that yes which is crazy to me that we've normalized getting blackout drunk and acting like an idiot and like hey that's fun that's like a you should do that because that's what fun looks like and more more past that was and is which I think we're evolving through thankfully but the stigma that you need to hit a major rock bottom in order to start reevaluating your relationship with alcohol we see it in movies and TV shows and the people with a substance dependency or an inability to manage are seen as villains there's something wrong with them they're effed up they there's a there's a picture of a complete failure and so if you aren't there you don't want to realize it because then at the same time it's kind of this this pull to say I don't think I'm there but I also think I'm in an awful spot if I say that I'm there or if I seek the treatment or the help that a person who is there and in that dark hole and did get a DUI or total a car or end up in jail or do something massive sure am I then is that now who I am do I have to take on the label of being that in an in order to get out of this gray matter that I'm in of just like hamster wheel
16:36running like you know and I think what you're and know what you're right I feel like I know what you're referencing and there's different types of people can go to different things back in the 40s it was mostly men it was like the three fingers you know of bourbon at lunch the three martini lunch and then they'd go home and they'd yell at their wives and it was it was a whole weird crazy I'm like is this when America was great I don't get it but like and then they would end up in a hospital and they would hit rock bottom and then they that's when not kind of like the whole AA thing started and they went I have nowhere else to go and they know what it's like being at the bottom I was one of those people that hit that rock it was my rock bottom but I think we've learned so much from then that now we have something that they call raising the bottom like there's these there's these you don't have to go all the way down there we know the attribute we know that hey look I can't have just one so you know that hey look I'm probably somebody who can't handle their alcohol I drink way too much or you're in that situation where you are that says I don't think I can do much more like you don't need to go have a car wreck like you don't have to go do all that stuff you can just stop but you can recognize tendencies way earlier like raise the bottom so your bottom doesn't have to be way down there I love that hashtag raise the bottom yes like I'm all about it because you know it's so funny too I was just doing an interview and the the person said what do you think like this would you call it a sober movement like everybody's so sober curious and I said I think it's that we're raising the bar for ourselves and I think that's what I chose to do people to your point have to hit all these different kind of lows in order to not want to bend their back to go under that bar that they've set for themselves but it takes time and it's just like your sober journey your recovery journey your non-drinking journey however you feel comfortable labeling it yeah is so unique and it
18:41how you get to that point is just as unique to relapse through trial and error through linear journeys I mean it's so different for everyone and I think the more that we have conversations like you and I are having or like so many other amazing people are starting to have really what gets dropped is the judgment from other people and the stigma to have to try to fit into this tiny box that we only have known seen felt identifiable in this incredibly complex personal unique journey and and that's what's so important and that's why we have these these conversations and I think in my story I had I had a personal rock bottom too it was more emotional so kind of going back like I went through the majority of my 20s I say that I'm like turning 28 next month like girl you're not even 30 yet but you get what I'm saying I went through my adulthood that I knew so far where I could actually get a drink at a bar and I could actually go at you know 2 a.m. around the corner and get a Tito's handle because that's why they needed to go to sleep like living in that reality and dependency and abuse for until I was like 25 I just thought that was it I just thought that's what it was and there was never gonna be a changing and it wasn't until the pandemic hit where one my alcohol like abuse and misuse and dependency really crept in which I mean we talked about shame and I'm sure we'll get into it more but I don't look back and feel shameful or scolding of myself in that abuse or dependency in any way because we're human at the end of the day and we were in a global pandemic I think if
20:44that's the one time that you're gonna reach for your your coping your coping mechanism that you only know is when you're locked in your your house and you have you're not really sure what's going on and and you're you're just trying to get from one day to the next and it wasn't until I I actually leaned in not that I wouldn't have gotten here eventually I think I would have gotten to to the frequency of I of my drinking and the emotional turmoil I was facing over probably two years but I got there in a year because I was doing it locked in my house doing things virtually I didn't have to worry about ubers I didn't have to worry about you know really getting dressed I could just be in my yeah dependency yeah you know I think a lot of people did that I think a lot of people I think this movement so many referencing and I want to get back don't interrupt your story of course but I think a lot of people were at home and there when you're at home alone and there's no distractions and all you do is drink all day long you do that for like six months and I think that a lot of people went hey I don't know how to cope I don't I don't I don't know I'm I'm not okay but I know that the way I'm drinking isn't healthy I think people start feeling unhealthy because casual drinkers were like hey this is really great and I think a lot of people have went whoa when I was left to myself and I don't have other response I don't have to go to work all day I just I just drink I think I think a lot of the sober movement is because of the pandemic and people having the moment of clarity at home to go hey wait a minute like when I'm left to my own I'm not when I don't have distractions my go-to is to get wasted yeah and anyway yeah I agree I mean there are so many layers to that realization across all these different demographics and it really depends on
22:48how you were kind of categorized in the pandemic I mean we had nurses who didn't get to work from home and doctors who didn't get to work from home and they didn't get to lean into that coping and heal and have those moments of clarity and so there's still a whole group of so many people who are so imperative to our economy who we are as a country our work you know force as a whole who were who were like shoved into just just so much and that's like I couldn't get into all of it because we would have maybe it's another episode who knows but but I mean also specifically like within okay I'll bring it back to myself so I'm I'm I'm like I'm leaning in right and I I'm I'm single and and it's the first time in my like adult life that I'm like single and I'm like wow I'm like alone like I don't have a booty call I don't got nothing okay and I don't want nothing because uh there's a national pandemic and what's gonna happen and we're so scared and it depends on you know the phase and that the the information and it was all just a lot and my entire journey with reevaluating alcohol also started when I started reevaluating the gender that I found attractive and who I thought I wanted to be with and I had a friend whose name is Sarah and we were best friends and worked in a restaurant together that's how we met I mean we were in the service industry we go out after and have tequila shots and we drink wine during our shift together and they're back I mean it was like our relationship could definitely be identified as built on booze which is something that I've a lot of like look and you quantify the relationships I think it's important when you're first getting sober of like okay these
24:50relationships that I'm scared of losing what's the foundation are they built on booze or are they built on love because a love will flourish and float depending on whatever water you throw at it but but booze will sink and it won't taste good and it won't be good for you so our relationship was built on booze and then it into into the pandemic the further we got in we kind of started to be like let's just let's just only hang out with each other like you'd be safe for two weeks I'd be safe for two weeks let's just hang out and you can make a long story short we totally fell in love I mean absolutely fell in love but we were drinking the whole time so essentially like I had never felt that way I was coping with feeling that way and the overwhelming feeling of being like whoa I've never really thought about dating a woman and now here I am and I can't hide these feelings and I don't want to hide these feelings I don't want to shove it feels really great to feel this way yeah and we went through a couple of months of like figuring out taking it slow like not putting a label on it because it's what I needed and she respected that and just being like entertain the idea and while I was entertaining that idea I started entertaining the idea of sobriety because I knew in my freaking gut that what I had going for me had no longevity there was no way I could sustain drinking to the extent that I did feeling hungover to the extent that I did battling with the anxiety internally and physically and mentally the way that I did while going through a pretty pivotal realization about my sexuality you know that's like a lot sober it's way more screamfest 2022 when you're hungover and
26:52you got anxiety so as we went on I just could feel myself even though I knew it it's like I was resisting that change and slipping into becoming sober and I and I would do things like I think I'm gonna take a month off I'm gonna like I'm not gonna drink for like 30 days and and and it would be based in shame because I'd wake up and I'd feel shameful about something I said or did and so I'd write off alcohol and the foundation of that writing off alcohol was shame and so when the hangover subsided and the anxiety went away and that shame kind of lulled a little bit and it wasn't really wasn't too forefront it wasn't enough to drive the car it was just in there I went right back to that bottle and I did it quite a few times and I think it's a really normal too and it wasn't until November Thanksgiving and in 2020 when I went to meet Sarah's parents we were getting serious and I got so anxious about family that I just rosé all day and tequila shots in the guest bedroom that I had put in the closet and we got into a huge fight in front of her family I mean it was like kaboom you want the explosion that was the explosion yeah gasoline match go yeah happy Thanksgiving and I woke up and I felt awful and I just had my my moment of clarity where I said I have so many ingredients right now to have a life that I can really love and for some reason I'm choosing to numb every day to escape a life that I don't like so Katie you can either ruin let these ingredients that you have spoil they
28:58won't be able to be used you're gonna ruin them they're gonna go they have an expiration date right because people have a elasticity that will snap eventually when you don't honor that elasticity and you don't change and you don't adapt so I could either let those good ingredients spoil stick with a life that I wanted to escape and keep drinking or I could take stock of the ingredients that were still good I could try my hardest to not drink and create a life that I didn't want to escape from and that sounds really packaged and pretty and like it was this well-put thought and it wasn't it was messy and it took the course of a full 24 hours for me to get that realization but in an effort to not make this a 24-hour thought process podcast that's what I came out of my hangover with so I drank one beer on the 27th and then I didn't drink again and I haven't drink again and it's not been pretty it has been linear I would say I haven't reached back for a bottle I haven't regressed in that way but emotionally it's evidence of flow and it wasn't until ten days after that that I told Sarah I'm serious about this this is the longest I've gone and I have a problem with alcohol and I need to fundamentally change that about my life or everything's gonna spoil and she said thank God me too and so then she got sober and so we've both been sober and in love and those feelings are real and I know it because I'm not drunk and I can feel the anxiety and I could go through those emotions and I could weather that storm not numb so I felt a lot but I could process and I could
31:02strategize and I could game plan I was so angry I was so angry when I first got like four or five days later I found myself just like mad and I didn't I didn't know what to do I didn't know why I didn't know what to do and I was a crazy I learned meditation that you need to meditate and you need to spend some time alone and I started doing that and it helped a lot but I realized that like I don't know how to process emotions I didn't I I didn't I didn't have like you had the foresight to go hey look this is gonna happen and I'm here and I have something bigger that I want I had the moment of like holy shit I fucked up really bad and I don't really have a lot of choices and then I had a God moment with a gigantic rainbow right in my face at this moment and I went okay I got to do something different and for me it was different because the second that I labeled myself and I said I'm an alcoholic it was kind of that moment where I went oh that's it like and it to me it was like I've been sick for months and then they said oh well you have lung cancer and it's like oh shit so that's what it is like I know what it now I can start working on it you know so I was so afraid of that label like so long and then finally when I said it when I said oh I'm an alcoholic and then I went oh god that feels so good like all this pressure that somebody was going to label me that then I went I don't care I'm just tired of being sick and then and then it was like now let the healing begin it was like this just this weight off of my shoulders and then I was like what am I gonna do with all these um what are these feelings I'm having I don't know what they are and I don't know how to process them and I'm mad and
33:03then I was like why am I sad I did but I didn't I didn't even know what those feelings were I didn't know how to feel them I didn't know what to do it was and it's still a problem overwhelming it is overwhelming it's the most special thing I love that honesty and I relate to it I think anybody who is gonna make a change take sobriety out of it if you're gonna choose to not eat cake for the rest of your life guess who's gonna miss cake you are you're gonna feel a lot of feelings about frosting you're gonna think about stuff and not understand why you want sprinkles right now and why it makes you mad that you can't and then you go and you find ways and tools and people and other non cake eaters who go yeah I get it let me help you label that I think apart from like what you said in your podcast episode which was I'm forgetting the exact episode but it was called hi I'm Brandon I'm an alcoholic that's what that was it January 2nd exactly if it was like 202 3 or whatever but I think it's important to for people to hear that it's okay to not know how to process your feelings at any stage of that like you knew you were feeling anger that still might be way more way more way more far ahead than somebody else who's just like all the time or short with their spouse or can't keep stop arguing with their roommate or hates everything they put on their body and that anger can manifest outside of feelings but how you see yourself your lens same with sadness same with joy same with anything so there's so many different layers to like how you feel emotion and I think I think the most common misconception I've had when
35:07people interview me on my sober journey I'm curious with you too if you like identify with this but people who have never attempted sobriety don't feel like they have a problem just kind of as you could say the normies right go wow you must feel so much lighter it must have just been like such a breath of fresh air to just cut it out and I'm like you know it is now almost two years into it it's really beautiful and it feels a lot lighter but it wasn't that way the first week the first month the first year it was about ten times heavier but it was a different kind of weight it was a weight that I was present for and so I felt like instead of going into a gym blindfolded and knowing I got to do a 30-minute workout which is how I was living my life drunk all the time I woke up sore I didn't really know what I did I'm sure I picked up some dumbbells maybe I run out on the treadmill I woke up with bruises I didn't feel confident about the choices I make versus walking into a gym without a blindfold you got a protein shake in your hand beforehand and you've written out you're gonna do a treadmill first then you're gonna do dumbbells and then you're gonna do lunges and then you're gonna stretch and then you're gonna go home and shower you still wake up sore you're still feeling those feelings but you're intentional but you're intentional you're intentional and I think my biggest message that I I'm glad I was able to really realize and if I could go back and tell myself when I was trying again and again and again and even when I was in that first year is you're not getting sober to get numb you can drink for that you're getting sober to lean into those feelings and experiment and label and like plant plant something that's gonna grow a lot
37:09bigger than just a pot of you know dirty water that you splash on everybody you encounter and that means it's work and you have to to choose how you want to go about it and you know also just that the kindness that I try to look at my past self with and I think the kindness that you do too from based off of what I've heard of you and and just your energy and stuff is shame doesn't breed evolution kindness does so if you ever want to grow you can't shame yourself I kept falling back to that bottle because my method for going into sobriety those thirty days those three days those five days those whatever days at the front of it were were foundationally built on shame I was expecting shame to get me through and it just doesn't happen if you are you a Brene Brown fan I I am and I know that you are kind of a new Brene Stan I read daring greatly like several years ago and it was amazing and I love the idea of vulnerability I just didn't know how to do it I'm a big I'm six foot six 260 pounds and like I'm a big big dude right so yeah there's this and like how is this guy like he can't be real like you know whatever it is and I so I read the book and I loved it but what I didn't know was how to define the emotions I was feeling so the Atlas of the Heart book have you read Atlas of the Heart I watched her speech on it okay but I haven't read it it's the most amazing book I've ever read because I don't I've been numbing emotions my whole life in my whole life I was I was taught as a man you're not allowed to have emotions you're the Teflon you are
39:10the one you can't it's weak to have emotions yeah and I was missing out on so much in life these big moments that I've needed to experience wholly and I missed them because I was like I don't need that that's that's that's not okay for a man to do but learning the difference between shame and guilt you know and just the idea that myself talk you know the one thing that learned that shame is I am and guilt is that behavior of mine was right so me saying I'm so stupid I am so stupid like that is shame I am not stupid but that thing that I did wasn't the best decision so there's a difference between that that self talk that I would tell myself all the time I invited shame in because that's how I talked to myself I told myself oh you're so dumb how could you do that you're a bad friend you're this like no you're a good friend but you made a bad decision you're a good person your heart is good like you are a good person but in that moment you made a bad decision and like we have to learn how to talk to ourselves that way because what happens is you start feeling you start believing it you start and as parents as parents I have children so as parents it's so sad to hear my kids use that talk too you say hey that's not okay I know dad I'm dumb like no no listen you are not dumb you are a brilliant smart amazing young man you just in that moment you weren't you know you weren't thinking the right way so next time it's okay like it's okay to make mistakes but learning that difference between shame and guilt was really big to me and just the ability to recognize that to go yes okay I'm not gonna tell myself that anymore it's amazing you don't have to know I think that's part of the freedom of it too and and it comes from application seeing that you can get the same or better
41:11results by being just a little bit kinder to yourself and seeing how that flows over into your creativity into your relationships into your gosh it really flows into everything because if you can can be kind and loving to yourself you can your capacity to love other people grows with it you know there's like a saying where you can be a pint person or a gallon person and sometimes we expect pint people to give us gallons or we get overwhelmed when all we need is a pint and somebody gives us a gallon yeah and I think you as you turn from a pint of self-love into a gallon of self-love you there's like more to go around you know when having and managing those expectations and also being okay with being at your pint like that's okay it's okay to be a pint totally knowing it acknowledging it and taking accountability and saying I know you asked for a gallon and I only gave you a pint it's all my hat I take it I take the responsibility of I've only given you a freaking pint and not giving you a whole gallon and that like flows into anything emotionally physically mentally being physically present for people but what I learned so far in my sobriety and I'm so curious about yours because you went through this as a father and as a partner like in a marriage yeah there's a big chunk of sobriety that I think from the people that I've talked to really specifically mother so I'm really curious your point on it but the anticipation of getting so sober because it's such a soft fish thing that's in quotes because it isn't really selfish it's about the best thing you can do for other people but it's
43:12seen as selfish well if I have to go into a program or if I have to you know not go to parties what am I gonna do not go to my kids birthday parties because the mommy wine club is there and they are gonna pressure me to have a drink and I'm not ready to face that I can't I just we have too many events I can't take time off my schedule I think in my unique way I was scared of that it was a blessing because I you know my timeline with my sobriety came while everything was pretty much shut down mine too to a degree yeah yeah I mean so I've got that question a lot how did you you work in restaurants how did you deal with it and I'm like well I lost my job right so I lost my job so that was home and I was fortunate to be I had some severance and I was okay to get through the first couple months and then I started a company in February of 2020 so I was home from like the end of October November December I was just at home I wasn't put in any positions where I was in my wife was super supportive I'll never forget the day that I came home and my my thing was triggered by an infidelity that I had so and it was while I was just blackout drunk and I made a decision that I'm never going to make a decision that isn't my own ever again like I'm never gonna do something that I have to look back on and go I wouldn't have done that if I was sober yeah and I said the rest of my life I'm gonna I'm gonna have that answer like that was that's my driving force is that I'm never gonna let myself I'm never let alcohol make another decision for me does that make sense absolutely and so I got home there was the day I saw the rainbow and I had that I made I made up my mind and I came home and I told my wife I said you can do whatever you do if you decide to stay with me or you decide to leave me just know this day forward I'm gonna be I'm gonna be okay like I'm gonna be a better person like I starting right now for the rest of my
45:15life it's gonna be different and you I'm not that wasn't me saying please stay because that's not my choice I I've done I had done a lot of talking it was time for me to start doing you know like yeah there's a point where you can say a lot of shit and then like dude you got to like you could actually do the stuff you know and so that was for me I was like I'm I'm not doing I'm not gonna get sober for our relationship I'm not gonna get sober for anybody else other than me because it's never going to work if you get sober for somebody else or something else you have to warn it you have to say I want more things for me and I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired there's just that fed up moment and I had that moment of clarity where I went never again and I'm gonna be a better person and then every day I started you know you are you do you do so do you do any kind of meetings or anything like that do you go to any meetings have you know have you read the 12 steps are you involved with anything like that because I'm familiar with it but I don't like identify with it okay so I couldn't be I could go grab a bill the big book though I do have that okay yeah so many people there's there's people that are a lot of people have a lot of baggage you know so one of the main things that a lot of people in AA because I do go to meetings I go to meetings every week and it's amazing for me that's just for me I'm not promoting it I'm not saying a bail should do it for me it works I need the support system but a lot of people have a lot of shame in their past and a lot of people carry this around like it's it's like these shelves behind me like they have like oh that time I did this thing it's it's there and then the time I did this thing and they have this inventory of all this bullshit that happened earlier in their life and they feel the shame
47:16for it's like a it's like a garbage can full of all this past baggage that they just carry around with them and people carry this stuff around and sometimes it gets too heavy and that's when people drink is they have these resentments and they have all this anger from their past and when it gets too much well I got a numb that and so part of the 12 steps is take the trash out like you need to sit down with somebody and go you have to take inventory of all that shit that you're carrying around with you and you got to bury it you got it you got to work through it you've got to dress it and then you've got to take it dig a hole bury that shit learn from the things that you can glean whatever you can whatever knowledge and hey look I did that and I learned some things from that and I'm never gonna do that again and I'm gonna leave that back there and then you just look forward you look forward and you stop carrying around all that bullshit with you and like I don't care like I'm now looking forward to my life and I don't have to wear it and so that's that's where those steps really come into play because they address all of those specific things and it's super helpful and it's super helpful and a lot of people don't have money and you can go to a therapist you can do all that stuff and there's a free method to do it and so it really is it's been helpful to me but it's not for a lot of people we're gonna take a quick break to hear a word from our sponsors like Corson fire and security total protection one source guys let me tell you Kevin Rose he's their specialist he is the restaurant specialist that's what he does his number is six one five nine seven four twenty nine thirty two I get that out of the way because you're gonna go back because you're gonna want to listen to call this guy listen every restaurant fire suppression systems your hoods need these fire suppression systems you have fire extinguishers do you know how to use the fire extinguishers what happens if there's a
49:18fire in your restaurant does your staff know what to do is that something you cover in lineup I don't know if it is but that's what Kevin wants to do Kevin wants to be the guy he wants to come over and help you train your staff to know exactly what to do in the event that there's a fire that's what they do they do fire extinguishers they do general fire products emergency exit lighting fire alarm system fire sprinkler systems fire suppression units they also do security and they monitor everything and guys this is one of those things that every single restaurant needs I don't know who you're using but if you don't know the person if you don't have one person you can call when you need them you need to call Corson but you're thinking right now what is that guy's phone number again he said it was at the very beginning his name is Kevin Rose it's 615-974-2932 call him today we are super excited to introduce maintain IQ for restaurants maintain IQ is a modern digital checklist system that simplifies your operations they are designed specifically for restaurants you can standardize track and manage food safety procedures temp logs daily checklist preventive maintenance and ongoing repairs he's saying that you can managers will save up to 10 hours per week you can repair you can reduce repairs and maintenance spend by $5,000 a year staff will know what to do how to do it and when to do it everything is digitally recorded minimize liability ensuring safety cleaning and compliance standards are upheld this is the best thing since sliced bread guys and we're gonna talk about that in just a second with sharpies but we are talking about a checklist to do every single thing in your restaurant that's all kept nice and neat in a little app you need to call Will Joxon his number is 8 8 8 5 3 4 0 2 6 1 and set up a 30-minute demo if you do that I'll give you a free Nash restaurant radio hat or I'll give you a free Nash restaurant radio t-shirt just send me a message on Instagram check out maintain IQ you know what chefs
51:24want some people still call it creation gardens but what chefs want has been was our first advertiser on the show Monty Crawford saw what we're doing he goes I want to be part of it dude I love it and I just I love that they're so perfect because they work with locally-owned and operated restaurants and let me tell you how they do it no minimums no fees no fuel surcharges no surcharges anytime they deliver seven days a week they have 24 7 customer support you can call text chat email anytime from anywhere or you can reach them at 502-587-9012 they have a diverse line of products their chefs have access to thousands of items across many different categories that allow them to receive fresh product daily what chefs want is the perfect addition to any broad line company as they've got all of your fresh produce delivered daily plus custom meats anything that you need that your broadliner can't get give them a call 800-600-8510 or visit them at what chefs want dot com yeah I think it's just whatever works for you I'm like so supportive of literally whatever works for you that is don't take that as like I'm so supportive if you want to like yeah you're quitting alcohol but you puff puff pass instead like I'm not I'm not that I mean it hey if it works for you to get you out of the thick of alcohol maybe yeah sure I've talked to plenty of people where that was the case but eventually like sobriety is in layers I feel like I'm saying layers a lot we should have this be like a water drinking game every time I say layers on here you take a drink of water layers I could do that yeah stay hydrated I'm thirsty but um so many people have different it I was talking to my friend Meg on on the podcast and she not to like share her story you can listen to
53:25the podcast and she does it herself but I think she like a lot of other people realize how many coats she had on in the room meaning you knew you could need to get sober like you're so hot you're sweating it's uncomfortable you finally decide you're gonna get sober so you start to take off the layer and you think oh god yes it's this one coat once I attach and detach from this one coat I'm gonna cool down and I'm gonna feel that peace and some people have like that one coat like I had that one coat which was alcohol and I took that coat off and I cooled down and the tools that I need in order to stay cool are gonna be different than somebody who had took off a coat it had a cardigan and a turtleneck and you know what are they called long John's like waffle clothing like it's so different for every person so I is so great depending on your layers and it's really great if you need structure it's great especially because just exactly how you just put it like it's hard to know how to label one yourself to feel like you can identify with a bunch of people especially when you're leaving a bunch of your friend group or you're taking a break or taking a pause to build that community in one meeting you know possibly established relationships and then it's super great for like having a structure and a path to follow to keep your mind focused on the next so you're not focused on not drinking but you're focused on the next step of healing recovering and lessening that load so I agree it's super great it works for certain people it doesn't work for others and I think I think like just developing a well I guess also I'm sitting here and and I haven't even reached my two-year mark so who knows it doesn't matter a month a year who knows
55:31like what tools all need but I think what the key to it is regardless of the method that you're approaching currently or want to approach or been thinking about I think staying open to evolution is really imperative to your having longevity and your sobriety having longevity because as you know as a father you watch your kids grow and go from have growing pains and go from one grade to the next and we are out of school but we still do that we still have growing pains and we still go from one grade of life to the next hopefully hopefully you do hopefully hopefully hopefully a lot of people get stuck in one place and they're comfortable and they don't want to move like I encourage you to step out of that and go do something different yeah absolutely but even the people around you will will grow and change and I think the triggers that I've encountered even in this like last this last year have been new different challenging and the way and the tools like the my sober tools and my toolkit my sober toolkit have changed I picked other stuff up I've set other things down I've relied heavily on quit lit before I've set the book down because I felt overwhelmed by it would quit lit what's that oh my gosh okay it's all literature it's like slang for any literature that talks about how to like quit stories biographies anything that helps you quit or gives you like a new perspective into quitting I like it the two quit lit books that I read when I was first kind of entertaining a sober life was quit like a woman how to quit like a woman by Hollywood occur and then I read Alan Kars the easy way to quit drinking without willpower and if anybody is curious just curious and open to having your perspective shift a little bit on alcohol from like even I mean Alan Kars is like purely science on what alcohol does to your body I really
57:35implore you to like go order it read it he even says at the beginning of the book like you don't have to quit drinking in order to read this book you can like close the book and go have a glass of wine if you want but I guarantee you by the end of this book you won't want to pick it up because if you allow your perspective to be changed on it you wouldn't want to put all of this in your body and you're gonna feel and it's so bad and so bad for you it's not regulated alcohol is not regulated so if you like pick up a ketchup bottle and you turn over and you look at the nutrition and you see like oh there's corn syrup and all this stuff in there and then you pick up a bottle of tequila and you turn it over it's there's nothing there and the reason for that is because there's no necessity there's nothing that says that alcohol companies have to disclose what exactly is in their alcohol yes and it's also like I think I think it's a it's a carcinogen I feel like it's a case one carcinogen or something I don't know now I'm gonna butcher that so I don't know don't hold me to that guys just Google it just Google it but it's really bad for you it has the same stuff that's in gasoline that we put in our cars that we're paying an arm and a freaking leg for right now are in alcohol so if you wouldn't guzzle gas why would we guzzle tequila shots and I think just the more that I read those kind of perspectives I mean the real one a real knocker that like chain like was really a big is an Alan cars he's like I want you to really think about all the terms that you use to describe yourself when you're going out or what how you intend to be when you go out sloshed wasted oh I had it I had an alter ego did you what was your name brand ammonium oh I was tequila Katie there's a state of brand ammonium oh he's in a state of brand ammonium here
59:39we go oh and it was a thing yeah it gave my wife anxiety and tend that word because she's like oh god no I don't want that like that that one brand it's like we know that we're doing it right like we're not I thought it was funny the fact that we're chaos and like we're like well let's go get wasted well yeah it's wasted because you're wasted you're a wasted person right now you're not a value when you're in that space you are wasted and I just like having that perspective shift just I was like wow yeah I know I'm more valuable than being wasted all the time 100% so I want to change the topic conversation just a little bit okay you're thinking about not drinking and I want to normalize the conversation around it right so I love that we're talking about this and I'm talking to people in the hospitality industry and in the hospitality industry there's a lot of people who you know what the industry I identified this recently said the industry is crazy you have no idea what to expect when you come into work is somebody gonna choke is there gonna be a fire am I gonna get stiffed on tables am I gonna make any money at all is my manager gonna be an asshole am I gonna get this that that douchebag gonna grab my ass again like you have no idea like what happens and it's a tough industry like it's just every day you're coming in it's a grind and the one thing is like we all just go drink afterwards and it's just a crazy crazy thing so I want to I think there's a lot of people out there who are like me who had this thought of I probably drink too much but then what am I gonna do when I go out to eat like how am I gonna not order alcohol they say we're featuring a wine tonight I have how do I say no to that if they come in they go it's whiskey Wednesday and all of our whiskeys half price I love bourbon how am I gonna be able because I couldn't I didn't have the willpower to do that like I was I was afraid that I was gonna go into these nerves and I worked where I traveled a lot I traveled and I'm not
01:01:42like traveling like regional travel I'm in Dalton Georgia Knoxville and like you know these you know with a two to three hours of Nashville but you go out you're with a bunch of other salespeople and you drink a bunch like how the hell am I ever gonna be able to do that and these fears like kept me from stopping drinking when I knew that I needed to stop drinking but I was like there's no way I can do that I mean now it's nothing I'll tell you a story last yesterday I got on a private airplane and I flew to Gainesville Georgia okay fine and you get on the plane like do you guys want anything to drink and it was like I work we're good because it was 745 in the morning we landed at the airport this little regional airport in Gainesville we were going to a chicken plant and it was the chicken company's Springer Mountain Farms chicken and we're flying on their jet to their place and we get there and they have a full bar at the hangar and they're like do you guys want a whiskey or something like no we're good let's it's going we went to dinner last night I was so scared to death we went to dinner and everybody's drinking I had a Pellegrino because I love Pellegrino but it didn't bother me in the least bit and then after that we had to stop at the store to go buy more beer and then went back to the hotel and everybody's in the lobby drinking and I'm got a peri at this point so I've static control over here right right Pellegrino Perrier we're brand switching oh yes we're doing it big but I got up this morning and I felt amazing and it it's not hard to say I'll just have a sparkling water and I mean I didn't there's nothing about me like I've learned so many tools there's nothing about me that said I really need to act like an idiot tonight like I really need all of these people I need to show my ass because that's just what I crave and it's the first time I realized that hey look you know I was okay just being me I was so like I felt like I needed to be some kind of
01:03:43entertainer I feel like I needed to be the life of the party because hey here I am I'm this big tall gregarious guy and I have to be the one who's leading and entertaining and I'm like I don't have to do any of that I can just be me and have normal conversation and joke around and I woke up this morning and I was like I feel amazing and it's those little victories for me that just like or everything so my to tell that story for you what were you most like because there's these silly things that you're afraid of when you're first stopping drinking and I want people to hear this I want people right now who are out there and they're like I'm in that place I know I drink too much but I work in a restaurant and all of my social circle goes out and drinks every night what are some things that you were afraid of and what are you afraid of now good story great question I think I was I had the same fear because I'm an entertainer too and I thought my image and my self-image was so tethered to being a little tipsy but then like actually going and like swimming into blackout drunk quite fastly after that um what did I do about it here's a thing here's what I think I think I had to try and fail a couple times in order to see the results and how much they differ example when I was working in a restaurant this is pre sobriety but this was kind of like I was getting into the thick of my drinking and at a restaurant yeah we you get off at 11 you're like sweet oh hard should go down to the bar next door and slam down some shots they'll give us a discount right because you think that's what I need that's what I've been doing
01:05:46I'm gonna unwind that way but I would try really hard to say I don't want to do that I always wake up feeling awful so I'd go into work and maybe like hey just a heads up before we get started I've got a really early day tomorrow so I'm not gonna go out with you guys after just letting you know but like plan something without me now that there you go a couple of times that took a couple times for me to follow through on that because my desire wasn't fully there I wasn't super ready you go through it you know four-hour five-hour shift and some lady yells at you and tells you lost a reservation and you know you didn't you know she made it for the wrong date through resi or open table and then you got to navigate that and then the manager comes out like you get stressed there's your trauma it is it's wild there's a lot or you like put the lady in her place and she saw it says sorry and you know palms you $20 and then you go yeah I got to celebrate this so you either get knocked on your ass or you sore and either way you're so programmed to go I got to celebrate or I got a soak and it either way it's there's booze involved because historically that's how I've done it so I went through so many different attempts of like okay I'll go for one okay maybe I could I go for one I'd I'd have three I'd wake up I wouldn't feel that great and I felt the feeling of like hey I kind of betrayed myself didn't really like that let's see let's try it again whenever I'm ready let's try it again and going through that trial and feelings like you said that we aren't really comfortable with having I think same for like you and your story you have to see the benefits in real time and it takes time to get there just give yourself up grace and patience because if you can keep trying and if you can keep proving to yourself that you can keep trying then you must be capable of completing it if you're
01:07:47capable of trying you're capable of completing it just might take longer than expected I think just I think that would be my my only advice is like keep trying and be kind to yourself that's real easy to say sitting here but at the same time I would be lying if I said I had a roadmap because I don't like we just like we talked about it's so unique to you it's really your freaking fingerprint is your sober journey so just know you're figuring it out you're carving it your way and I would say like if it's not work related and you're worried about well if I'm gonna go out to dinner with my friends how am I gonna not order wine if they if they order a bottle how am I not gonna you could just not go to the dinner if they're real friends they'll they'll forgive you they'll give you that grace you're giving yourself I promise you I promise thousand percent if it is built on love and not on booze it will float and it will come out stronger and it's scary and you don't want to disappoint other people but saying no to other people is saying yes to yourself and it's really important to get comfortable saying yes to yourself and no to other people when you're first going through this experimentation of implementing like social situations and work functions back into your life after deciding to try to quit out alcohol I think there's and I think so I love all of that and I think there's small investments you can make in yourself right so if you're gonna if you if you want to make the investment in your own self and you recognize and you say I probably drink too much I'm gonna stop make a date with yourself right so hey guys you're gonna go out I'm gonna go home and I'm gonna download the headspace app and I'm gonna do a ten minute meditation I'm gonna do the basics I'm just gonna learn how to meditate and then I'm gonna start reading one of those books by myself or I'm gonna find another person who
01:09:50doesn't drink and I'm gonna say do you want to go have coffee and hear me talk about some of the feelings I'm having or find a support some way that you can intentionally get a support group together because the thing that I think most people need to know is that you don't have to do it alone you do like it's this is not something that's like well you want to quit drinking good on you man but that's not for me I mean you can tell your friends hey look I'd really rather you not drink and it's like I don't want you to have to change your lifestyle from me but sometimes you can now with a clear head evaluate the relationships in your life and that was the big thing to me also you mentioned relationships in your life like when you get sober all of a sudden that flooding of emotions there's a clarity and I love how your podcast is called clear head it's I'm bringing this back yeah it's clear-headed because now I can look at the current relationships in my life and I can evaluate them based upon priorities and like who really vibes with me who really genuinely cares about me and who is a drinking buddy because I buy shots every other night or who cares about the relationship with me based around like who wants to go have coffee with me who wants to go have breakfast with me one day and not drink and just talk about life yeah dude I'm too hungover do that well then I'm gonna choose not to be in that relationship for the time being until something changes the ability for me to set boundaries now is there I couldn't do that before it was almost like lead by example I'm like well I'm gonna set these boundaries but I have zero boundaries in my life other than that then you just look like a dick but now it's like hey wow I've really have clarity and my head is really clear and I can recognize the relationships that are valuable and that's everywhere it's just amazing the clarity that you have when it comes to your relationships and what is really important when you're not drunk it really is because you know your foundation so much better so you
01:11:55understand what can be built on top of it like you know you're not the shots guy you know that's not who you are just like I'm not really tequila Katie I got a lot more to me than just that so because I know myself better I know what puzzle pieces fit together and how we align with people and I love myself and I value my piece and I'm not gonna take anybody else's piece but I'm not gonna compromise mine and I think that that going through the motions and that experiments and the situations where you have to apply those boundaries is really hard and it's a lot of work and it's what deters people I think from even setting those boundaries and and that's okay it's not gonna get fixed in a year but it is getting it stronger in a year and it is gonna get better through time but when you do the work like when you actually do the work and it's fucking hard like it is a hard amount of work to do but it's like anything that's worthwhile like mowing your yard on a really hot day is me right because I'm I'm that guy right never mode alone don't know how to lower think of something that's really if it's if it's you know starting a podcast and doing multiple episodes anything that's really hard to do that you put that work in all of a sudden you go wow this is really worthwhile this is really a special thing and you you start to if you feel like me I was at this point where I thought everybody in the world hates me every in the world hates me I nobody likes me and nobody wants me here it took one person to be like hey dude we don't care like we don't care you're special and I was like you think so really why like because you're you're you're alive and every single person on this planet deserves that and I don't care who's told you anything about what you are it doesn't matter you are important and you're I just hit a I had
01:13:59a thousand days sober a couple weeks ago I just made a post about like two days ago I made a post and I was like listen if you're out there I don't care who you are like I love your you are special you are a valuable person and I don't care what self-talk you have or who you think you've harmed or what you think you did hey if you woke up on this right side of the earth today you have a future and you're special you just it's okay like it's okay if everybody's telling you hey call me I will drive to wherever you are and I will give you a hug like I will like I don't care we need we need to believe in people we need to believe in people more and less yelling and fighting and more kindness and more hugs you know more people saying dude I'm gonna lean in you push me away because you're in that moment like I'm gonna lean in and I'm just gonna keep hugging I'm gonna keep telling you like it's okay because eventually maybe you'll believe it and that all you need is that one person to believe in you to take somebody from I don't want to be on this planet anymore to I want to thrive that it's that small of a margin it is and you're not alone I think that's the number one things you're not lose up you have you in California I'm here there's so many people out there that want to help you it's so it's an amazing community and if you're teetering and if you feel like you you oh you're managing and it's stressful you know what it's enough to just say I'm not happy that's enough of a reason to reevaluate and to make changes you don't have to do a ton of damage in order to make your life better and I think that as we progress and as different generations get introduced to that idea I think that the judgment and the stigma and the conversations are gonna get better and more understanding and we're gonna get to experiment and explore this this new wave of happiness and alcohol-free life
01:16:05and just how much there is to gain from it and there's a lot there's a lot to gain from it and I I want to say thank you for you taking the time to come on I love sharing people's stories and sharing stories of hope around this particular topic you're not broken you know people out there that are on the on the I want people to hear this and go hey look it's okay to not drink it's okay I'm proudly proudly a I say I'm an alcoholic because I'm proud to kind of go hey I figured out what it was not that it's an excuse like I used to think I used to drink and do stupid shit just so that I could say oh well I was drunk and there's no accountability to it right right and I don't know I think that letting people know that there's no shame no there's no stigma when somebody says why don't you drink you don't have to answer them and that's what you don't have to know the full answer in order to not drink don't you don't have to have it all figured out it's a progression it's an ebb it's a flow you can label you can lean into it you can teeter with the idea you can experiment you just deserve to be happy and clear-headed and however you get there you get there but you're welcome and thank you and I literally want to go get coffee when I'm in Tennessee next you should I want swag yeah I got it for days I can we get off give you I'll send you a Nashville restaurant radio t-shirt and then you have a t-shirt in California and represent out there listen to Kate Madri on the clear-headed podcast it is gonna be on do you do the anchor is it anchor I do it through anchor it's on Apple Spotify we got a YouTube and you can check out any of my tools any non-alcoholic cocktail recipes that I
01:18:09like and feel is fun on my new website clear headed co I want to be the goop of sober care so if you want to have a fun entertaining life check it out click around and more to come we just keep building you know heck yeah I love it congratulations I can you know it's sometimes when you talk to people and you can just look at them in their eyes and they just radiate and they're just like glowing and they're just like happy people you absolutely you absolutely do that it's been a joy and a pleasure I have one last thing that we do here on this show okay we do the Gordon food service final thought so what we're gonna do is you get to take us out whatever you want to say as long as you want to say it you're speaking to my whole audience and this is this is your time to say whatever you want okay and when we are done we are gonna we're gonna end this thing thanks again the floor is yours Mike is yours hi on the spot if you are feeling like maybe there are some ingredients in your life that are really good don't let them expire and take stock of the things that are working for you and don't be afraid to clear off the shelf to make room for more better fresher ingredients in your life in your relationships and in your relationship with alcohol even if that means a breakup you can do it thank you Kate Madri thank you so much thank you big big thank you to Kate Madri for joining us on Nashville restaurant radio a little departure from the restaurant conversation and as I listen back to that it just that was so special I think there are so many amazing points that she brought up and I hate hearing myself speak but I think there's two different ways to go about
01:20:12it and I love the fact that she's very much a hey look it's okay don't beat yourself up just do it you know or don't do it or do whatever you feel like you need to do but don't you have to label it you don't have to go hit rock bottom you can just kind of want to be healthy I look at it from a different perspective because of my own situation so I love hearing other people tell me kind of their stories and I can't she's gonna be in Nashville next week I can't wait to meet her so thank you guys out there thank you for listening you can go vote right now net checks we have a amazing contest for the best Mexican restaurant in Nashville and we are in the elite eight this week so go in and place your vote go to Nashville restaurant radio calm you can vote for the top eight teams and Brandon's book club is out there so we are Brandon's book clubbing it up with Michael Easter his book is called the comfort crisis and we're gonna have a live call where you can join the podcast at the end of the month and we're gonna discuss the book it's gonna be a lot of fun I cannot wait this is gonna be kind of a leadership side of things and it's really really cool so thank you guys for joining us today we hope that you are being safe and we love you guys bye